Happy Wednesday Dad!!
I just got back from lunch, I went to the house to work-out and grab some food. It is really warm outside today, you would be happy because the cold weather is on the way out of here. It is about time!! I think we will have a few more weeks of up and down weather, but I suppose I can handle a few more weeks...I went to VS last night and bought this new lotion that smells like the beach, I am wearing it now and I have my space heater blasting at my cube...feels like the beach. Too bad I am in my office and not laying in the sand with a beer in hand somewhere...
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| Our house at Currituck |
Speaking of beer on the beach (HA!) Schultz invited Kelly and I to join him on his trip to the Outer Banks this summer. I have not been back since the last time we all went as a family. It is going to be really hard for me to drive by our favorite "hot-spots" and not get upset, but I have a feeling it will bring back some really great memories that we all shared. Currituck Club....remember when you made Gabby and I watch the infomercial for an hour straight hahaha! Then finally we stayed there, it was our last trip to the OBX with you, at least you got to stay in the neighborhood we always talked about! I have so many great memories from the OBX, some of my best teenage year memories are from there. Playing beer pong with you and mom (AWESOME!), drinking out by our pool, getting our tans, eating those big dinners you used to cook, the list goes on. Ohhh I have to mention the famous KARIOKE nights at Sundogs, you know, where I became famous. HA! Good times big daddy, I'll be sure to crack open a cold one for you with my toes in the ocean.
I have been listening to this one song all day, it really makes me want to go to the beach, "How Bizarre" by OMC. It was def. a one hit wonder, but I LOVE it. Tonight I think I am going to go home and get a class of Moscato and blast this song while cleaning the house (I am for real about cleaning the house today!!) Kelly has bowling and the roomies are out too...perfect day to blast some music, have a glass of wine and get into clean mode! I want mom or Blair to come down and join me, but that is a long shot since it is a week night. So like I said, Kel has bowling...well, despite my miraculous games last week, I was voted off the island and they don't want me to play this week, I secretly am pretty happy about it (secretly, so shhh) Ha. I will say, it has been a fun season, Kelly wanted me to be a part of the team so him and I could do fun/new things together, can't fault him for wanting to do fun and new things together. I think most girlfriends beg their boo to include them, my perfect hunnie always wants me to be included! :) That being said, I feel like it is my turn to suggest something we could do as a couple...I think I am going to propose a pole dancing class. Bahaha
Softball season is around the corner, so that will be fun, I just love being outside in the warm weather...I don't play on the team but I go to his games and cheer him on. My hand eye coordination is just not there, so softball...on a team...is out of the question. All the military wives roll up to the field with their plethora of children, I am going to roll up to the field with the pups this season. I was thinking about getting Tuff a jersey with Kelly's name on it, he would get a kick out of it.
OHHH!!! Another thing I have to tell you, you will be super happy about this one!!! Last night Kelly and I were driving down to Dick's Sporting Goods and he turned to me and said, "how about we go get you a set of clubs in a couple of weeks and I will teach you how to play golf?" At first I was like, "Do you really want to take on that challenge"? then I said, "sure!" so we are going to go pick out some clubs for me in a few weeks and then hit the green. He has said a few times how he wishes you and him would have had the opportunity to golf together. You do know he has your clubs, right? I think it is really cute, he takes good care of them...they are hanging up in our garage and every time I see them I think of you and smile. I always think about the last day that you used them too...it was the day before you passed...I am so happy that you made it out to the green one last time with Pinky. I went through some of your stuff before the funeral, one of the places I checked was the pockets of your golf bag. I was desperate to find something, anything that you may of touched or had sometime of interaction with. You know what I found? A golf ball with green and brown scuff marks. It was one of, if not the last, ball that you hit. It is in a box in my closet along with many other little things of yours. I sometimes go into that box to look at everything, I always contemplate taking the golf ball out and taking it with me in my purse for good luck - but you know how good I am at loosing things and I would be devastated if I lost it, so I keep it safe and sound in the closet. You know what else I just remembered? That same day that you went golfing, I called you and you were at the fish store, looking back it seems odd that you did both things in one day. Typically you got tired after golfing and wouldn’t want to go anywhere once you showered and got home. I called you while you were at the fish store because I wanted to tell you about how I ran out of wrapping paper when I was wrapping Kelly's big screen TV that I got him for his birthday. You answered and didn’t sound yourself, but I figured it was because you were tired from golf so I didn’t press the issue, usually I would of asked you a million times, "what's wrong, you ok dad?!" but I let it go this time. I remember the whole conversation.
You told me about this $75 dollar clam that you really wanted to get but you couldn't justify spending $75 on a clam and I said, "Dad why would you spend that much on a clam!? It better be one tasty clam!!!!" and you just laughed at me. You told me that you were going to let me go so I could finish Kelly's gift and you could look at fish in peace (LOL) but you told me twice, "call me later tonight, ok?"then you said "I love you very much, Ash" and I responded with "I love you more, dad!!" I called you back a few times that night and you never picked up. I figured you left your cell downstairs on the bar by your fish tank where you always left it. I went to bed that night with no idea that I would wake up to the worst news of my life. Blair rang my cell phone, once...twice....three times....around 10am(ish). I finally woke up to Pam G ringing my phone. She thought that I had been calling her and I said no, maybe it was Blair? At that point I had another call coming through from Blairsy and I said "hey Blair what's up" and it was her, but it didn’t sound like her, she was screaming and crying into the phone. I immediately jumped out of the bed and ran down the stairs out to my car...Kelly jumped up too and started running behind me asking what's wrong?? I told him to just get in the car, so he hopped in as I was in reverse. Both of us in pajamas with no shoes, straight out of bed. I sped down 95 and got to the house, no one was there. I ran down to my room and the phone rang, it was a guy asking for Dr. Coo. I said this is not Dr. Coo but my dad is a patient of his, what is wrong with my dad? The guy (who I later found out was a nurse at INOVA) said he had the wrong number and couldn’t disclose any information. I told him that my dad is in the hospital and he better tell me something, he said "Maam your dad did not pull through, you should get to the hospital as soon as you can." Dad, I dropped the phone and it tumbled down the whole flight of stairs to the basement, I swear it felt like my heart fell down those steps with the phone. It was all so surreal I didn’t believe it. I grabbed shoes and had Kelly drive to the hospital. I don't need to get into the rest of the details...but I can honestly say that I still don't believe it. I still have moments where I feel like you are only a phone call away. I still feel guilty for not getting there sooner that morning. I hate myself for moving down to Stafford because it meant that I was not there that last morning to eat breakfast with you. I hate that Blair had to go through that morning on her own. I just hate that this whole thing happened. The only things giving me comfort was that you went peacefully and you knew how much all of us loved you. All four of us told one another how much we loved each other every single day. We have a lot of great memories, we have more than most families develop over an entire lifetime and your three girls have many more to come. Of course, we will have you with us in our hearts, every step of the way. I feel very lucky to have the family that I do and to grow up with a dad like you. You are one of a kind, just like mom and I love the both of you with all my heart. Of course Pouvee too! She is my frisfris!! :)
Woooo dad, I didn’t expect to write a tear-jerker today!! Good thing it is quittin' time at work because my mascara is halfway down my face. Until next time... Love you and miss you with all of my heart.
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