Easter fun

Good morning, happy Tuesday!!

I am back to work after a long week-end and I can't get into the groove of things, I guess it would help if I actually had something to do, hmm...what a concept.  Anyway, as you know this weekend was Easter! We had a full house all weekend, I really enjoyed it. Kelly's family came down and stayed with us Friday night until yesterday evening. I really enjoyed their company and I am really happy for Kelly because I know that it meant a lot to him. We had a pretty eventful weekend, def. should have taken today to recover!

Let's see...Friday night Nadine, Dan and D finally made it through the horrendous traffic and got to the house around 4:30ish. Blair decided to come down that night also, that way she could help me get Delaney's Easter basket ready and dye Easter eggs with us. Prior to the Eater festivities we all went out to Pancho Villa for some Mexican cuisine. We came back to the house and got our decorating on while watching TV, I think we must of dyed over 50 eggs. I loved watching Delaney, she got so excited!!

Saturday we spent the whole day in D.C. We made it to all the places we had on our to do list. We took the metro down there and immediately hit the Natural History Museum. That was one of the stops you and I made a couple years back...You would of appreciated the newest exhibit they had at the museum....it was a coral reef display. The whole display was made out of recyclable material, it was pretty amazing and of course it made me think of you. I hate seeing things that I know you would love to see and then I am not able to take you there or tell you about it, ugh it sucks, dad!

After the Natural History museum we went to the National History museum and then to the National Archives, both were pretty neat since I had never been. I think my favorite part of the National History museum was the "First Ladies" Room. They displayed all the first ladies fancy attire. We also made a bonus stop en route to the Archives, not really a stop but rather a walking tour at the sculpture garden. After we hit all of our preferred destinations we hopped back on the metro and hit up Bertucci's on the way home. We got one of your favorite pizzas from there! The white sauce pizza with sausage, I think it is called a Sporkie?

Saturday night we were all up pretty late, Nadine and I were cooking baked beans and making pasta salad until about midnight. I stayed up extra late putting together an Easter basket for Delaney (it was such an awesome basket!!) I think I was more excited about it then she was. Kel went up to Bobby McKey's that night to pick up Jeff (he is spending the week with us before he moves home to Ohio). I think we all finally made it to bed by 3:30AM-4AM ish, needless to say, LONG NIGHT!

Sunday was Easter!! I woke up super early so I could watch D open her Easter basket and hunt for her eggs. Then we all got ready and headed up to dinner at Mom's place. It was such a great dinner. I felt really nice to be surrounded by such great people, it made me feel very fortunate. I was so happy that Mom and Kel's parents got along so well. The food was great, the company was even better, the weather was perfect, the only thing missing was you....UGH NOT AGAIN. Here I go opening up the flood gates. **I am not going to be an emotional mess at work today....I am not going to be an emotional mess at work today....I am not going to be an emotional mess at work today! SO moving right along-

I don’t know why but I just can't seem to organize any thoughts today, I apologize. I have massive writer's block or something so I am going to stop, step back from the computer and see if that helps any. If not, I will try again tomorrow. Love and miss you dad.

A $75 dollar clam better be TASTY!

Happy Wednesday Dad!!

I just got back from lunch, I went to the house to work-out and grab some food. It is really warm outside today, you would be happy because the cold weather is on the way out of here. It is about time!! I think we will have a few more weeks of up and down weather, but I suppose I can handle a few more weeks...I went to VS last night and bought this new lotion that smells like the beach, I am wearing it now and I have my space heater blasting at my cube...feels like the beach. Too bad I am in my office and not laying in the sand with a beer in hand somewhere...

Our house at Currituck

Speaking of beer on the beach (HA!) Schultz invited Kelly and I to join him on his trip to the Outer Banks this summer. I have not been back since the last time we all went as a family. It is going to be really hard for me to drive by our favorite "hot-spots" and not get upset, but I have a feeling it will bring back some really great memories that we all shared. Currituck Club....remember when you made Gabby and I watch the infomercial for an hour straight hahaha! Then finally we stayed there, it was our last trip to the OBX with you, at least you got to stay in the neighborhood we always talked about! I have so many great memories from the OBX, some of my best teenage year memories are from there. Playing beer pong with you and mom (AWESOME!), drinking out by our pool, getting our tans, eating those big dinners you used to cook, the list goes on. Ohhh I have to mention the famous KARIOKE nights at Sundogs, you know, where I became famous. HA! Good times big daddy, I'll be sure to crack open a cold one for you with my toes in the ocean.

I have been listening to this one song all day, it really makes me want to go to the beach, "How Bizarre" by OMC. It was def. a one hit wonder, but I LOVE it. Tonight I think I am going to go home and get a class of Moscato and blast this song while cleaning the house (I am for real about cleaning the house today!!) Kelly has bowling and the roomies are out too...perfect day to blast some music, have a glass of wine and get into clean mode! I want mom or Blair to come down and join me, but that is a long shot since it is a week night. So like I said, Kel has bowling...well, despite my miraculous games last week, I was voted off the island and they don't want me to play this week, I secretly am pretty happy about it (secretly, so shhh) Ha. I will say, it has been a fun season, Kelly wanted me to be a part of the team so him and I could do fun/new things together, can't fault him for wanting to do fun and new things together. I think most girlfriends beg their boo to include them, my perfect hunnie always wants me to be included! :) That being said, I feel like it is my turn to suggest something we could do as a couple...I think I am going to propose a pole dancing class. Bahaha

Softball season is around the corner, so that will be fun, I just love being outside in the warm weather...I don't play on the team but I go to his games and cheer him on. My hand eye coordination is just not there, so softball...on a team...is out of the question. All the military wives roll up to the field with their plethora of children, I am going to roll up to the field with the pups this season. I was thinking about getting Tuff a jersey with Kelly's name on it, he would get a kick out of it.

OHHH!!! Another thing I have to tell you, you will be super happy about this one!!! Last night Kelly and I were driving down to Dick's Sporting Goods and he turned to me and said, "how about we go get you a set of clubs in a couple of weeks and I will teach you how to play golf?" At first I was like, "Do you really want to take on that challenge"? then I said, "sure!" so we are going to go pick out some clubs for me in a few weeks and then hit the green. He has said a few times how he wishes you and him would have had the opportunity to golf together. You do know he has your clubs, right? I think it is really cute, he takes good care of them...they are hanging up in our garage and every time I see them I think of you and smile. I always think about the last day that you used them too...it was the day before you passed...I am so happy that you made it out to the green one last time with Pinky. I went through some of your stuff before the funeral, one of the places I checked was the pockets of your golf bag. I was desperate to find something, anything that you may of touched or had sometime of interaction with. You know what I found? A golf ball with green and brown scuff marks. It was one of, if not the last, ball that you hit. It is in a box in my closet along with many other little things of yours. I sometimes go into that box to look at everything, I always contemplate taking the golf ball out and taking it with me in my purse for good luck - but you know how good I am at loosing things and I would be devastated if I lost it, so I keep it safe and sound in the closet. You know what else I just remembered? That same day that you went golfing, I called you and you were at the fish store, looking back it seems odd that you did both things in one day. Typically you got tired after golfing and wouldn’t want to go anywhere once you showered and got home. I called you while you were at the fish store because I wanted to tell you about how I ran out of wrapping paper when I was wrapping Kelly's big screen TV that I got him for his birthday. You answered and didn’t sound yourself, but I figured it was because you were tired from golf so I didn’t press the issue, usually I would of asked you a million times, "what's wrong, you ok dad?!" but I let it go this time. I remember the whole conversation.

You told me about this $75 dollar clam that you really wanted to get but you couldn't justify spending $75 on a clam and I said, "Dad why would you spend that much on a clam!? It better be one tasty clam!!!!" and you just laughed at me. You told me that you were going to let me go so I could finish Kelly's gift and you could look at fish in peace (LOL) but you told me twice, "call me later tonight, ok?"then you said "I love you very much, Ash" and I responded with "I love you more, dad!!" I called you back a few times that night and you never picked up. I figured you left your cell downstairs on the bar by your fish tank where you always left it. I went to bed that night with no idea that I would wake up to the worst news of my life. Blair rang my cell phone, once...twice....three times....around 10am(ish). I finally woke up to Pam G ringing my phone. She thought that I had been calling her and I said no, maybe it was Blair? At that point I had another call coming through from Blairsy and I said "hey Blair what's up" and it was her, but it didn’t sound like her, she was screaming and crying into the phone. I immediately jumped out of the bed and ran down the stairs out to my car...Kelly jumped up too and started running behind me asking what's wrong??  I told him to just get in the car, so he hopped in as I was in reverse. Both of us in pajamas with no shoes, straight out of bed. I sped down 95 and got to the house, no one was there. I ran down to my room and the phone rang, it was a guy asking for Dr. Coo. I said this is not Dr. Coo but my dad is a patient of his, what is wrong with my dad? The guy (who I later found out was a nurse at INOVA) said he had the wrong number and couldn’t disclose any information. I told him that my dad is in the hospital and he better tell me something, he said "Maam your dad did not pull through, you should get to the hospital as soon as you can." Dad, I dropped the phone and it tumbled down the whole flight of stairs to the basement, I swear it felt like my heart fell down those steps with the phone. It was all so surreal I didn’t believe it. I grabbed shoes and had Kelly drive to the hospital. I don't need to get into the rest of the details...but I can honestly say that I still don't believe it. I still have moments where I feel like you are only a phone call away. I still feel guilty for not getting there sooner that morning. I hate myself for moving down to Stafford because it meant that I was not there that last morning to eat breakfast with you. I hate that Blair had to go through that morning on her own. I just hate that this whole thing happened. The only things giving me comfort was that you went peacefully and you knew how much all of us loved you. All four of us told one another how much we loved each other every single day. We have a lot of great memories, we have more than most families develop over an entire lifetime and your three girls have many more to come. Of course, we will have you with us in our hearts, every step of the way. I feel very lucky to have the family that I do and to grow up with a dad like you. You are one of a kind, just like mom and I love the both of you with all my heart. Of course Pouvee too! She is my frisfris!! :)

Woooo dad, I didn’t expect to write a tear-jerker today!! Good thing it is quittin' time at work because my mascara is halfway down my face. Until next time... Love you and miss you with all of my heart.

Heaven isn't too far away

Jammin to my iPod while working and I thought of you when this song came on.

Heaven by Warrant

 

"I've got a picture of your house
And you're standing by the door.
It's black and white and faded,
And it's looking pretty worn.
See the factory that I worked
Silhouetted in the back.
The memories are gray but man they're really coming back.

I don't need to be the king of the world
As long as I'm the hero of this little girl

Heaven isn't too far away
Closer to it everyday
No matter what your friends might say

How I love the way you move
And the sparkle in your eyes
There's a color deep inside them
Like blue suburban skys
When i come home late at night
And you're in bed asleep
I wrap my arms around you
So I can feel you breathe

I dont need to be a superman
As long as you will always be my biggest fan

Heaven isn't too far away
Closer to it everyday (Ah, ah)
No matter what your friends might say
We'll find our way, yeah

Now the lights are going out,
Along the boulevard
Memories come rushing back and makes it pretty hard
I've got nowhere left to go
And no one really cares
I don't know what to do
But I'm never giving up on you.

Heaven isn't too far away
Closer to it every day
ohhhh ohhh
No matter what your friends say
I know we're gonna find a way"

"I don't need to be the king of the world
As long as I'm the hero of this little girl"



Time Has Been Just Like a Thief

Good morning! It is Tuesday, but it totally feels like a Monday for me since I worked from home yesterday. It was nice to have that extra day to relax after the weekend. This weekend Kel and I made a trip up to Pennsylvania so that I could get my hair done and so we could hang out for a few days. It is always nice to go up there and get away from the hustle and bustle of our area.  It is so peaceful where his dad lives, everything and everyone seems to move so slow and the air is so fresh, even the water that comes out of the faucets is so pure and clean up there. It is just a real nice change of pace. I thought about you a lot over this past weekend, I thought about how much I wish you could have had the opportunity to go up there with us, you would love it, well that is until winter hit (it gets super cold up there!!) There was a few times I looked out the window and just stared into the openness that surrounds their house. I looked out wishing that you would come back, even though I knew that was impossible and extreme wishful thinking, I did it anyway. What's the harm in wishful thinking, right?

It is coming up on a year since you have been gone, a year too long and a year that has flown by. You always told me that one day I would wake up and realize how fast time really does fly, well big daddy, I now know what you mean. I feel like everyday flies by, I blink and it is a new day. While sometimes that can be a good thing, most of the time it catches me by surprise and I find myself thinking where did this past day, week, month...go? I guess what I can take from that is that I need to take each day for what it is worth and not rush through to the next one. I have slowed my life down significantly since you left. I no longer work myself to death, I spend my evenings home with Kelly and the pup (after the gym of course! lol)  and I try not to stress over the little things. The laundry can wait, there is always another time when I can clean the bathroom, the bed can stay unmade if the dogs don't want to get up right away...you get what I am saying. The little things are just not worth getting your stomach in knots over, especially when life flies by as fast as it does. However, this upcoming week is a different story. I have to get certain things done by Friday, no excuses! Kelly's dad, sister and step-mom are coming down for Easter and I want the house to look perfect!



I am so excited that they are coming, I know that it makes Kelly happy that they are making the drive down here. It has been a really long time since they were here last and I know how much he wants them to see the house, not to mention how excited he is about being able to spend Easter with Delaney! Speaking of D, I went to get her Easter basket last night! I felt like a kid in the candy store, I get so excited when I get to do stuff like that. Kel had band practice last night so I spent a good part of the evening shopping for candy and fun stuff, decorating the Easter basket with goodies, filling up plastic eggs with chocolate and jelly beans, and scoping out potential hiding spots for an Easter egg hunt Sunday morning. Like I said, the little things in life make me super happy! I am probably more excited about seeing how excited she gets Sunday morning then she is about the "Easter Bunny actually coming. We have a lot planned for the week-end since they don't get to come down to DC often. We are going to go to the museums and monuments downtown. I am excited but at the same time a little apprehensive about going...I know it may sound silly but remember a few years ago when I got you tickets to a show at the air and space museum to see the show "Operation Redwing"? That same day you, Blair and I spent the whole day downtown museum hopping. That was the last time I went to the museums and I know it is going to elicit a bunch of emotion when I actually get down there. We had such a great day, we were exhausted by the day's end, but it was really a great day. As I mentioned in one of last week's letters, it is so crazy how I remember little things...well I remember that day perfectly. I even remember what you were wearing. You had on your orange shirt, the matching brown/orange plaid shorts, and your tennis shoes that I always made fun of you for. Hahahaha speaking of making fun of you, do you remember waiting in line at one of the museums and Blair and I telling you to pull your shorts down and un-tuck your nipples? Hahaha we always teased you for wearing your pants up too high. I think you did it on purpose to get a rise out of us. Te-he anyhow, I drove us all up to D.C., parked and we just got out and walked from museum to museum. It was hotter than hell out too, I remember seeing your orange shirt drenched in sweat, luckily I wore white that day and you weren’t able to see my sweaty armpits. HAHA. I also remember being so happy that you were able to walk as far as we did that day, we must of walked 5+ miles. Good times daddy.



You and I on the day
we went downtown!

I have to get some stuff done (bummer!), but before I sign out...

Below is a song that I absolutely love, I know how much you dislike country, but the lyrics are great and it is relevant to what I was talking about earlier. I know it may sound goofy but I listen to it most days on the ride home from work because it reminds me of my relationship with Kel and it just makes me smile. It also makes me appreciate the little things...

The famous Phil Vassar, Last Day of My Life:

"I just left Bobby's house, the service was today.

Got me thinkin' about how fragile life is, as I drove away.

You know Amy was his only love, in a moment she was gone, long gone.

It could have been me or you. Oh, baby, there's no time to lose.

So I'm gonna bring home a dozen roses, pour us a glass of wine.

I'm gonna put on a little music and turn down the lights.

I'm gonna wrap my arms around you and rock you all through the night,

And I'm gonna love you, like it's the last day of my life.

I drive off when the sun comes up, I get back when it's gone down.

There's so much I wanna do with you, but I can't be around.

Whoa, time has been just like a thief, it's stolen too much from us,

And once it's gone we can't make it up....

So tonight, let's get back in touch.

I'm gonna bring home a dozen roses, pour us a glass of wine.

I'm gonna put on a little music and turn down the lights.

I'm gonna wrap my arms around you and rock you all through the night,

And I'm gonna love you, like it's the last day of my life.

Life is a rainbow, it's a spring snow, it's the mornin' dew.

I don't wanna waste another minute without you.

So I'm gonna bring home a dozen roses, pour us a glass of wine.

I'm gonna put on a little music and turn down the lights.

I'm gonna wrap my arms around you and rock you all through the night,

And I'm gonna love you, like it's the last day of my life."

Hope you like it-just disregard the fact that it is country!

Love you dad, miss you!

Big

Car Rides & Memorable Times

It is finally Thursday- the day I have been waiting for all week! Tomorrow is my day off and then my Telework day is on Monday, long weekend, hallelujah!

Today is supposed to be warm and sunny which makes things even better. Kelly is on 24 hour duty tonight so I am going home to an empty house tonight, bummer! I have the pups though and tomorrow we are all heading up to Pittsburgh for the week-end. I am so excited to go up there, I love when we go up to visit. The following week-end Delaney and Nadine are going to drive down to Virginia for Easter, Kelly and I are super excited. I am in charge of making Delaney's Easter basket and you know how ecstatic I get over arts and craft projects! So the next few weeks are going to be fun. Mom is having Easter dinner at the house, she invited all of our Marine guys, Jeff from Bobby McKeys, Nadine and Delaney, and of course Blair, myself, Jerry, Pap, and the guys. We are going to have a full house that day, can you believe it?! We have a pretty big menu planned so it will be a great dinner! I really want to do an Easter egg hunt for Delaney, I think she would enjoy it! I hope that the weather cooperates, if not we can always do one inside.

Off topic: Blair just sent me a text message that said, "There is a lot of sphincters in the body, not just our butthole hahahahaha. It makes me want to tell dad." HA that is something you would make that goofy grin face at. I am so proud of Blair dad, you would be too. She has her scrubs and little medical equipment. It is so cute, she is so smart and perfect. She misses you so much, I know it hurts her to know that she can't come home and share her nurse stories with you. She was telling me the other day how much she hates coming home at night and not seeing you waiting up for her on the couch. Or when she comes home and no one has put her a plate of food in the microwave like you always would for the both of us if we weren’t home for dinner. It is the little things like that, those are the things that we miss the most.

One big thing I miss is the car rides we used to take. I am listening to the Atari's CD and it instantly takes me back to a very specific time in the car with you. We were driving to some soccer thing in the Four Runner, it wasn't a game or practice, I think it may have been a team meeting, but anyway....we were driving and listening to the song, "Boys of Summer", I was so surprised that you knew all the words and were singing along. I asked you how you knew the lyrics to this song by this teeny-bopper punk rock band and you told me that it was not originally done by the Ataris (news to me) and I was just so surprised. I remember that brief, trivial moment so clearly. The weather was cool and the trees and foliage were super green, the sun was really bright and there was a brisk breeze in the air. We were driving with the windows halfway down but the moment I turned the music down to ask you how you knew the lyrics, we were parked on a side road with no buildings in site. Gosh it is so bizarre how I can remember such specific details of certain events. I always wonder why my memory can be so great with some things and then terrible with others. Hmmmm!   PS. Remember how I always made you drive with the windows down regardless of the temperature? Ha! Jeez, it is only 9:30 and I am already getting teary eyed! I miss you dad.  

Love,

Remember drawing this for me?!

Wednesday Lunch -- Trip down memory lane





Hey there! How are you doing today? I was just signing some stuff at work and I looked down and guess what? I was writing from a pen that said Washington Gas Energy Services on it! I still find it awesome that we do a lot of work with your old company, not me directly but we have contracts with them in my business unit. They are referred to as "WGES", small world huh!?

Anyway, I went home for lunch today and found out some pretty interesting stuff. Mom received a bill this week for an ambulance trip in March of last year. Hmmm. That is a bit odd, I tried really hard to remember something/anything about it but couldn’t, I want to say I remember you telling me about it happening after the fact, but it is all so fuzzy and I don’t want to speculate. The ambulance ride was on a Monday afternoon from Merrifield Plant Nursery in Manassas and went to Fairfax hospital. Of course Blair and I tried to play Nancy Drew and figure this mystery out, but all we could come up with was that you either had a heart issue (that you neglected to tell us about) or a low blood sugar while picking out plants/flowers from the nursery and someone from there called 911. Once they got you stabilized at the hospital you called Pinky, Joel, Steve or someone to come and pick you up from Fairfax and take you back to your car so that none of us would find out. Looking back I have started feeling guilty, the fact that you felt you needed hide something from us because you didn’t want us to worry or be upset. I wish you wouldn't of done that, you know we worried regardless and that we would of done anything for you. I hope you know that. Deep down I know that you knew that, I just want to be 100% sure that you left here knowing how much we all loved and cared for you. I have to move on to another topic before I get upset, I don’t want to think about things that I will never find an answer to. You aren’t here to ask, so I will never know for sure what happened that day, speculations only get me so far. Ugh, it would be much easier if you were here to ask dad.

Once we decided to give up playing detective, Blair and I decided to go through some of your pictures that were on her laptop. It brought a lot of laughter and gave us both some pretty big smiles. While our time with you may have been shorter than we all had hoped, we definitely had some unforgettable memories and fun times. That is what I will always appreciate and be grateful for, the closeness and relationship us four share as a family, it truly is a rarity. I can't tell you any other family that is as close as we are. That is something I will never understand, why aren’t more families like us?

But like I was saying, some of the pictures were funny, they took us back to some great times. It was a nice little break from work-for about an hour Blair and I were able to re-live some of those memories...Here are some pictures we were laughing about...

"Hey girls!
Take a picture of me by this bear!"

Probably making fun of

someone in this one!

Nice Mustache?

HAHAHA I make myself way too often....I'll give you a break and save some more fun pictures for another day. Well daddy, I have to get back to work, I am leaving here in a little bit and then it is off to bowling tonight! The team wants me back! SIKE they just dont have enough people available to play tonight, so here I am, bowling with the big boys! Let's hope I don't suck as bad as last time!

Love you!!!! Miss you!!!!!
BIG

Castles Made of Sand Fall In The Sea, Eventually....

The song playing right now is...can you guess?!

Castles Made of Sand, Jimi Hendrix

Anyway.....

Happy Tuesday DAD! What's up? I just got back from my Toastmaster's meeting so I thought I would say hey! Nothing really different from yesterday to chat about...only thing I can think of today is the weather...

I wish we would have had the opportunity to move to Florida like we had planned. Why? One, because I think we would have had such an awesome lifestyle down there; two, we would have had a pool that you could of "manned" just like you always did in OBX; and three, this weather is so confusing here in Virginia! Yesterday it was 85 degrees and sunny, with a PERFECT breeze at night and today is rainy and 60 degrees. Make up your mind weatherman!! I wish every night could be like last night. I got home from work, took the pups out and then took the plants out (for some much needed sunshine), went to the gym, then came home and did my taxes. Talk about waiting til the last minute, but whatever, they are now complete and I should be getting my return shortly. I have always done my best work during crunch time, so no biggie! Kel had band practice last night so I was able to get a lot of stuff done around the house also. Furthermore, I took full advantage of the weather and sat outside on the back deck for a little while. The sun had just gone down, the wind was warm but cool at the same time and I had Tootsie in my lap, all was perfect in life. All I needed was a glass of Moscato and some Jimi Hendrix on the iPod and I could of sat out there all night. That is another example of how I am learning to embrace and appreciate the little things in life, squeeze the most out of any good thing that comes your way, why not?



My castle fell in the sea already at this point....HAHAHA I miake myself laugh.

It is almost time for me to head out of work for the day, it has been very slow for a Monday, too slow. It is a perfect day outside, well perfect in my mind. The sun is shining, the temperature is above 80 and there is a slight hint of humidity in the air, I know this is your kind of weather also. I am really looking forward to getting in the car and blasting your CD with the windows down and sunroof back. It has been a while since the weather has been perfect and unfortunately it is not going to last for long, it is supposed to drop down to the mid-sixties and rain for the better part of this week. I am going to take full advantage of this day when I get out of here! Each warm day makes me think of you. When I walk out of my office and my face hits the fresh air for the first time since the sun has come up, I immediately think of you. It makes me sad, but I always smile because I know that in some way shape or form, you are nearby. Since you've been gone, I have become so much more appreciative of the littlest things in life, a warm breeze and the sunshine's heat on my face are both things I never embraced as much as I do now. I don’t know what it is, but something has changed the way I go about life these days. I can stare at a blue sky for an extended period of time and I will be perfectly content, whereas before I would be so worried that I was wasting time by just sitting around. You always told me that one day I will wake up and have no idea where the time went, I never believed you, I would always tell you, "Dad that is not going to happen to me!!" Well guess what, this past year has been a whirlwind and I have absolutely no idea where the time has gone, so as much as I don’t like to admit this, YOU WERE RIGHT! Imagine that! :-) That piece of advice is something I carry very close to my heart these days and it has helped me take time to notice the little things and SLOW DOWN. Life is too short to speed through it.

Music to my Ears

I am finally able to listen to the CD I played at your funeral. I chose the worst time to listen to it, sitting at my desk at work. How dumb can I be? I knew that it would tear me apart. The song that gets me the most is the Black Stone Cherry song, "Things My Father Said"...wow, that is a rough one. I am hoping no one comes by my desk anytime soon! I didn’t wear my waterproof mascara today either. It is so crazy how these songs put me right back to that week. I have been thinking of that week a lot lately, it just still does not seem real. The weather has been changing and it is like déjàvu, putting me right back to this place a year ago, if only I knew how much time I had left with you, I would of never left your side. I know you would of loved that! HA!  

I think the music we chose for your funeral was very fitting of your personality. Although it was anything but traditional, I thought it was perfect. You would of approved-This is what we played during your slideshow;

1. Aerosmith, Angel

2. Creed, Higher

3. Demon Hunter, Carry Me Down

4. Black Stone Cherry, Things My Father Said

5. Led Zeppelin, Stairway to Heaven

6. Metallica, Fade to Black

7. Vertical Horizon, Forever

8. Foo Fighters, My Hero

9. Guns and Roses, Sweet Child of Mine

10. Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here

I am about to go visit Blairsy for lunch, hoping that I stumble across an ORB while I am there. Tehe - Catch up with you in a bit Dad! Love ya!

She Talks To Angels

Good morning! Happy Monday! Hope you had a fun week-end and that the weather was a little nicer wherever you were at! It was rainy and chilly all week-end in Stafford, bummer! Kel and I had a pretty uneventful weekend, most of which we spent in pajamas. Friday afternoon I went to his picnic that he had at work and from then on I stayed in yoga pants and sweatshirts all weekend. Friday night we went over to a friend's house and played cards, had a sleepover with the pups and then slept until noon on Saturday! We both obviously needed to catch up on some rest, we never sleep that late!! We got up and went out to grab some lunch and run some errands, we ate at this place that you would love, it is called, "Jimmy the Greek" and it is very similar to "Olympians". I got emotional when we were there because I was telling Kelly how much you would love the French onion soup I was eating and the Roast Beef sandwich he was eating. Sometimes it is the little things that choke me up the most, knowing that I will never be able to take you to that restaurant made me all kinds of upset. Anyway, after all the running around we went back to the house and watched Black Swan and Sling Blade, I didn’t really watch Sling Blade, but I did watch Black Swan and I thought it was terrible. Definitely not as excellent as everyone made it out to be. Later that evening Emilee and Mike came down to hang out for a while, they left fairly early and then Kelly and I hit the hay and woke up Sunday morning with the great idea to make breakfast sandwiches and omelets. Kelly did most of the cooking while I cuddled up with the pups on the couch, I am so happy that he is a good cook! After breakfast I took a four hour nap, yes a FOUR HOUR nap! I don’t know why, but this weekend was definitely a "catch up on sleep" kind of weekend. Sunday evening, Kirsten came up for dinner and to hang out with Kelly and I. She brought her parents dog, another Dachshund! Only this one was 10 years old and a lot smaller than our two pups! So all in all dad, a pretty lazy weekend down in Stafford, however, next weekend will be a lot more eventful! Kel and I are planning to drive up to PA so I can get my hair done and we can spend some time with his family.

Your song came on my iPod - Fade to Black by Metallica. I love this song, I remember that week of your funeral I would sit out on the front porch and just watch the sun come up on some of the days where I could not sleep, that was such a hard week on us all. I remember sitting out on the front porch one morning, this song playing on my iPod and there was a light summer breeze that swept across my face. I shut my eyes to fight back the tears, however I ended up still losing it. There is a guitar part that comes up at the 5:36 mark of the song and every time I hear it I get goose bumps. I always picture you rocking out to it, even though you never were able to learn how to play your guitar, I still see you jamming! I love this song, we played it at your funeral. Only my dad is cool enough to have Metallica playing at his funeral!

"Life it seems will fade away

Drifting further every day

Getting lost within myself

Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live

Simply nothing more to give

There is nothing more for me

Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be

Missing one inside of me

Deathly lost, this can't be real

Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me

To the point of agony

Growing darkness taking dawn

I was me but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself

But it's too late

Now I can't think

Think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though

It never existed

Death greets me warm

Now I will just say goodbye"

April 7, 2011

Forgot to post this on Thursday!! So here you go--oops!

Happy Thursday! Yes, it is almost the week-end! I am definitely ready for it, this has been along week, I tele-work tomorrow and then have a picnic to go to at Quantico tomorrow for Kel's work. This weekend I am looking forward to just kicking it around the house, we are having Kirsten stay with us Saturday because her fiancé, Mike, is in South Africa for work and she doesn’t want to be alone! Don’t blame her either, I hate being in a house all by myself, especially if there have been ORB manifestations (See yesterday's post and you will get my joke). Speaking of being alone and yesterday's post...You know that I was all gung-ho about cleaning when I wrote to you, however, after I fought the traffic home, I was totally against it. Instead of cleaning like I desperately needed to, I made myself dinner, put some laundry in the washer and plopped my butt down on the couch. I cuddled up with the babies and watched some trash television. To include; Teen Mom 2, Secret Life of an American Teenager and of course, a Lifetime movie, "Mother May I Sleep With Danger." It was nice to sit back and relax for once, I wish I would of got more work done around the house though. Meh, OH WELL! Kelly came home around 9 from bowling and we were passed out asleep by 10. We are the youngest "old" people I know, who goes to bed that early! Somehow I always manage to wake up tired though, like this morning....it was so hard for me to get out of bed, 5:30AM comes way too early for this girl!

Enough of my whining about lack of sleep, let me tell you about something else that would probably be more of an interest to you.

*GLENN BECK*

I know that caught your attention! I was reading online today at FoxNews.com that "Beck will "transition off of his daily program, the third highest rated in all of cable news, later this year" to pursue the new opportunities." Bummer huh? Another stunning fact I read in the article was "Glenn Beck began airing on FOX News in 2009 and has been one of the top rated programs on cable, averaging over 2.2 million total viewers during its run" I would of never guessed, I thought you were the only one that watched his show consistently, apparently that is not the case! 

Back to whining...HA! I am struggling today, I cannot seem to wake up and the clock seems to be ticking extra slow. UGH What to do, what to do. I have so much stuff that I could be doing right now, however it is all at home. This is a day where I wish I would of just stayed home. Traffic in the area has been worse than normal this week. Don't get me wrong, it is always bad, however this week it has been especially dreadful. There have been a few deadly crashes, a couple interstate fires and cars just jam packed. Tuesday on the other hand, no cars seemed to be on the road. It has been a very odd week in the traffic realm.

I am trying to pass the time by reading articles that I can use to "better" myself. I stumbled across this one article that talks about laughter. It had a great quote in it.

"Angels can fly because they take things lightly"

Well Dad, I just talked to my boss and I am leaving early today, this Thursday has given me a headache and I have nothing to do but sit, so see ya later work! I am taking off down 95 - Weeee!

Love and miss you, Ash 

Come here... ORBY ORB

Hey there! Happy Wednesday! It is about 2:30 and I am ready to hit the open road...ehhh, the bumper to bumper interstate, but nevertheless I am ready to get home! Today has been relatively uneventful and has gone by pretty fast, so I can't complain! I went to see Blairsy at lunch today. She is always good for a gut-busting laugh, I don’t know what it is about her but she always just makes me laugh, even if I am in a terrible mood. Today she tried to convince me that you were "visible" in one of her most recent pictures with Justin. She even has mom believing that. HAHA. Maybe it was you, I actually would be a little creeped out if it was. Anyway, guess what form you took when you made this paranormal appearance?  You appeared in what people refer to as an "orb", whatever that is. I did some research to try and better figure out what she was talking about and this is what I found;

According to Ghoststudy.com, "Orbs are believed (by many) to be ghosts in the form of balls of light. They are life forms that travel in groups and are believed to be the human soul or life force of those that once inhabited a physical body here on earth. Psychics claim to talk to them on a regular basis, and ghost hunters encounter them quite frequently. It is said that they are those spirits that have willingly stayed behind because they feel bound to their previous life or previous location for whatever reason. Because of this obsession they tend to become similar to a psychotic human beings. It should be said that the majority of us when we die proceed gladly and willingly to the next level of existence after saying our quiet good-byes, which means we're off to the spirit world. Then again, as stated, a select few elect to stay behind because of a refusal to move on. Apparently the longer they stay behind, the harder it is to find their way to the next level, which again, is the spirit world. Orbs can be produced by accident, and can appear quite readily on film by the elements and conditions around you. Most orb photographs are merely the result of dust or even weather conditions such as rain and humidity. Moisture, dust and airborne particles up close to the lens at the time of the flash can and will affect the results of your pictures. Always make a note of the conditions around you when doing ghost photography."



"ORB" is to the left of Blair



Alright dad, so what is the verdict? Were you trying to make an appearance as an ORB that Saturday? I can't help but laugh when I say "orb", it sounds funny to me. Just say it out loud, ORB. Come here ORBY ORB...I don’t know what I believe, but all I can say is, I WANT A PICTURE WITH A BIG DADDY ORB IN IT! So next time I strike a pose, make an appearance, OK! =)

Enough of the Orb talk, it is starting to creep me out the more I look it up....

Tonight the team is bowling and I am not on the roster (thank goodness). My remarkable performance a few weeks ago is something I (and my team) do not want to relive. They all say that it doesn’t matter that I am horrendous when it comes to rolling a ball down a lane and that "we are only here for fun and beer", but get a bunch of marines in a situation where their reputation and goal of being the "number one stunners" are at stake and well....you will realize why I am a bit hesitant about playing! We are trying to get into the playoffs and you know that I am way under qualified for all of that! All is well, I get to go home and spend the evening with the pups. I also plan on catching up on some laundry and cleaning that I have been putting off for quite some time now. I know it sounds like a monotonous evening, but I am actually looking forward to it. It is not often that I get a vacant house all to myself, so when the infrequent opportunity does arise, I take full advantage of it. You also know how I like to blast my music while cleaning...I am the only one in the house that likes country music, so you can bet when everyone is gone, Kenny Chesney is loud and proud on the stereo. Speaking of stereo, I am jamming to Bush's song Machinehead as I am writing this. Such an awesome song, I can remember many times when you used to sing this song in the car. I am heading out for the evening, wish me luck on the drive home, fingers crossed....no traffic!

Love&Miss you,

Ash

April Showers

Today was definitely one of those days that I wish I could spend in bed, eating ice-cream and watching trash television. After traffic last night, I was not thrilled to sit in traffic yet again this morning. A storm is looming and I know that the commute home is going to be a chaotic disarray of idiots who spaz as soon as a drop of rain hits the asphalt on the beloved interstate that we call, I95. Can you sense the sarcasm? :-) I know what you are thinking...."shouldn’t of moved down to Stafford...." yeah yeah yeah....

On a happier note, the weather has started to warm up. Yesterday I believe the high was a record-breaking 83 degrees. It made sitting in traffic a little more pleasant, windows and sunroof were open/down and I was listening to your playlist! I got home and went to the gym while Kelly took my grocery list to the store and got all our stuff for the week. I hate going to the grocery store, so I suckered him into it so that I could go to the gym and get a run in. He is too good to me! We got home around the same time and started cooking dinner. It was off the hook, Kel and I need to start our own cooking show, we are cute in the kitchen and we make an awesome team! I think you left me your kitchen talent because lately I have been like Emerald in the kitchen, no joke! Last night this is what we made together;

BBQ Chicken

Chopped Salad

Grilled Feta Green Beans

Ok, so it doesn’t look like much, but it was FAB-U-LOUS! I made the BBQ sauce using some recipe I fabricated on the fly. Ingredients include;

- Siracha for a little bit of spice

- Little bit of BBQ sauce we had from the fridge

- Emerald's "kick-it-up horseradish mustard"

- Dash of sugar to pacify the spiciness

I then used this ingenious device Craig got Kel and I for Christmas to make the Feta Green Beans while Kelly went out and grilled the BBQ chicken. I think it is called a Cuisine Art Panini Press/Grill. We have made some pretty appetizing concoctions with this thing!  We had some wine, watched Jeopardy and stuffed our face! Overall a pretty good dinner, def. will be making it again....thanks for the help ;-)

Well Dad, I have to get back to work, just wanted to say what's up! Talk to ya soon, love and miss you!

Ash

OH!!! P.S. Kelly wore your shirt that you made to work today....you know, that shirt that I never understood the meaning of....the one we still have a box of in the garage....just sayin....HAHAHAHA but he thought you would appreciate the fact that he is rockin' it at work today!