The plans I make still have you in them

Hey!! How are you, I have struggled with writing this week, I feel like there is so much I have to tell you but I struggle because all of it would have been so much better if you here to share those fun times with me. Father's day was rough, I was happy for Kelly because he was able to spend the day with his dad, but it killed me to not be able to spend the day with mine. It hurts to see all of the father's day cards, commercials, internet ads, etc... so I am very thankful that the holiday is over.

This past weekend we went up to Pittsburgh for a wedding at Nemacolin Woodlands Resort in Farmville, PA. Talk about an extravagant wedding, it was beautiful and the location was amazing. We pulled up and there were 15 Porsches outside of the hotel, of course I thought of you. There must have been a convention or something because there is no way 15 Porsches would just be parked in front of this hotel. I will say, I didn’t like any of them as much as I liked yours...=) The location had a really great golf course and a ton of other really cool things to do and see. I don’t know how many more weddings I can handle though, the father-daughter dances kill it for me, they always choke me up and it hurts to know that I will never have the opportunity to have a father-daughter dance.

Sunday we came home, I drove separate with the dogs because Kelly and his dad stayed in PA a little while longer, good thing they did because I got stuck in a horrendous traffic jam (that is a story for another day! It is a good one too, you would be proud of me!). Kelly's dad has been with us since Sunday, he came down to spend part of the week with Kel, we had a really great few days and I know Kel enjoyed having his dad down. Monday night we went to Capital Alehouse in downtown Fredericksburg and had a blast, they have something like 400 different kinds of beers, I remember sitting there while we were all eating and thinking to myself how much I wish I could bring you to this place. I think that things like that are what makes some days really hard, always wanting you around and realizing that I can't have you there is like a slap in the face. I have been struggling lately with wrapping my brain around that thought...that you will never be able to join me in anything fun/awesome that I know you would enjoy. I know that you are there in spirit, but to be honest, some days that is just simply not good enough.

Tuesday, Kel and his dad went to have a meet and greet with the President, I know Obama sucks and trust me, they agree with us on that one, however it is still pretty cool they got to hang out with him for a bit. Tuesday night we had a surprise BBQ for Kel's dad. A bunch of our friends came over and we grilled out, the boys smoked some cigars and drank some beers...I made all the sides (I told you I am getting better at cooking, thank you for that!!) So Tuesday night was a lot of fun also! Wednesday was family day at work and Kel and his dad decided to surprise me before Kelly's dad went back to PA. I thought that was really sweet and I was sad to see Dan leave, so were the pups!

I wish you could meet Dan and the rest of Kel's family, you would really like them and I know they would love you. You are brought up in many of the conversations I have with them, somehow I always manage to bring you up. I think it was because you were such a huge part of my life and were so involved in it, it is hard not to include you in conversations. Ugh.

I know this is lame and you would think I am being ridiculous, but like I have said many times before, I am always in search of something that brings me closer to you in some way, usually I search for music that I can relate to, but today I have looked for poems. Most of them I read are super cheesy and I know that you would laugh if I tried to read some of them to you, but there are a few good ones. This one was my favorite...

We thought of you today,

But that is nothing new.

We thought of you yesterday

And will tomorrow, too.

We think of you in silence

And make no outward show.

For what it meant to lose you

Only those who love you know.

Remembering you is easy,

We do it everyday.

It's the heartache of losing you

That will never go away.

Love and miss you dad, I can't finish writing today..