Goofy!

Beach Bum!

My Butterfly

Hot summer sun and cloudless blue sky

I sit and wish you were somewhere nearby

What I would give to be able to ring your phone

Or to have you here to witness my life's next milestone

Things I hope Dad is doing today

Today is such a beautiful day outside, the air is nice and cool and the sky is bright blue. I hope that wherever you are, all days are just like this one. I was thinking about you a lot this morning and I made a list of all the things I hope you are doing, kind of weird I know, however, making the list made me smile. I hand-wrote it so I can put it in your book, so typing it seems sort of silly, but I am going to do it anyway...

Things I hope Dad is doing today-

1. Enjoying the weather

2. Spending the day free of pain

3. Playing golf on the most amazing course

4. Riding his Harley on an open road

5. Putting his butt on the sand and feet in the ocean

6. Having an ice cold Heineken

7. Eating a huge filet mignon, scallops and crab cakes

8. Planning a trip to Greece

9. Blasting Metallica and Creed while riding in his Porsche

10. Snorkeling in some amazing reef

As I made that list it was so weird for me to comprehend the fact that you are actually gone, it choked me up a few times and it gave me knots in my stomach. I don’t know why I still feel that you are still here. I can't wrap my brain around the fact that you will never again grace us with your presence. It is really hard to think about it that way, perhaps that is why I haven’t let myself think that you are gone for good. I know I tell you this all the time but I would give anything just to have you back. Our family hasn’t been the same, nor will it ever be the same, but we have to move forward and continue on with you in our heart and thoughts

The plans I make still have you in them

Hey!! How are you, I have struggled with writing this week, I feel like there is so much I have to tell you but I struggle because all of it would have been so much better if you here to share those fun times with me. Father's day was rough, I was happy for Kelly because he was able to spend the day with his dad, but it killed me to not be able to spend the day with mine. It hurts to see all of the father's day cards, commercials, internet ads, etc... so I am very thankful that the holiday is over.

This past weekend we went up to Pittsburgh for a wedding at Nemacolin Woodlands Resort in Farmville, PA. Talk about an extravagant wedding, it was beautiful and the location was amazing. We pulled up and there were 15 Porsches outside of the hotel, of course I thought of you. There must have been a convention or something because there is no way 15 Porsches would just be parked in front of this hotel. I will say, I didn’t like any of them as much as I liked yours...=) The location had a really great golf course and a ton of other really cool things to do and see. I don’t know how many more weddings I can handle though, the father-daughter dances kill it for me, they always choke me up and it hurts to know that I will never have the opportunity to have a father-daughter dance.

Sunday we came home, I drove separate with the dogs because Kelly and his dad stayed in PA a little while longer, good thing they did because I got stuck in a horrendous traffic jam (that is a story for another day! It is a good one too, you would be proud of me!). Kelly's dad has been with us since Sunday, he came down to spend part of the week with Kel, we had a really great few days and I know Kel enjoyed having his dad down. Monday night we went to Capital Alehouse in downtown Fredericksburg and had a blast, they have something like 400 different kinds of beers, I remember sitting there while we were all eating and thinking to myself how much I wish I could bring you to this place. I think that things like that are what makes some days really hard, always wanting you around and realizing that I can't have you there is like a slap in the face. I have been struggling lately with wrapping my brain around that thought...that you will never be able to join me in anything fun/awesome that I know you would enjoy. I know that you are there in spirit, but to be honest, some days that is just simply not good enough.

Tuesday, Kel and his dad went to have a meet and greet with the President, I know Obama sucks and trust me, they agree with us on that one, however it is still pretty cool they got to hang out with him for a bit. Tuesday night we had a surprise BBQ for Kel's dad. A bunch of our friends came over and we grilled out, the boys smoked some cigars and drank some beers...I made all the sides (I told you I am getting better at cooking, thank you for that!!) So Tuesday night was a lot of fun also! Wednesday was family day at work and Kel and his dad decided to surprise me before Kelly's dad went back to PA. I thought that was really sweet and I was sad to see Dan leave, so were the pups!

I wish you could meet Dan and the rest of Kel's family, you would really like them and I know they would love you. You are brought up in many of the conversations I have with them, somehow I always manage to bring you up. I think it was because you were such a huge part of my life and were so involved in it, it is hard not to include you in conversations. Ugh.

I know this is lame and you would think I am being ridiculous, but like I have said many times before, I am always in search of something that brings me closer to you in some way, usually I search for music that I can relate to, but today I have looked for poems. Most of them I read are super cheesy and I know that you would laugh if I tried to read some of them to you, but there are a few good ones. This one was my favorite...

We thought of you today,

But that is nothing new.

We thought of you yesterday

And will tomorrow, too.

We think of you in silence

And make no outward show.

For what it meant to lose you

Only those who love you know.

Remembering you is easy,

We do it everyday.

It's the heartache of losing you

That will never go away.

Love and miss you dad, I can't finish writing today..

Wish You Were Here

Hey there daddy! Happy Friday!! I am working from home today and am getting ready to go to a farewell lunch for a friend of Kelly’s and then him and I are heading to PA for a wedding.  I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today, just like every other day! This weekend is probably now one of my least favorite weekends in the year…it is Father’s day on Sunday and I really don’t like that you are not here to celebrate…For the whole day I am exposed to people with their dad’s and to be honest, I get pretty jealous. I am not a jealous person but for some reason seeing other people with their dad makes me that way. Ugh. It sucks.

I know it is not your fault though, so I wont hold it against you…tehe.

Well, I need to get packing and get a shower… of course I wait until the last minute.  I am the queen of procrastination.

Love and miss you much, I will catch up with you soon.

Memory lane up in the headlights, it's got me reminiscing on them good times

Hey again!  I know that you dislike country, but I am obsessed with this song and I think you would like it to!! It makes me think of all the fun times in the Outer Banks. I think I have listened to it 6 times in a row today....

Jason Aldean-Dirt Road Anthem

Yeah, I'm chilling on a dirt road

Laid back swerving like I'm George Jones

Smoke rolling out the window

An ice cold beer sitting in the console

Memory lane up in the headlights

It's got me reminiscing on them good times

I'm turning off a real life drive and that's right

I'm hitting easy street on mud tires

Back in the day Potts farm was the place to go

Load the truck up, hit the dirt road

Jump the barbed wire, spread the word

Light the bonfire then call the girls

King in the can and the Marlboro man

Jack 'n' Jim were a few good men

Where you learned how to kiss and cuss, and fight too

Better watch out for the boys in blue

And all this small town he said, she said

Ain't it funny how rumors spread

Like I know something y'all don't know

Man, that talk is getting old

You better mind your business man, watch your mouth

Before I have to knock that loud mouth out

I'm tired of talking, man, y'all ain't listening

Them ol' dirt roads is what y'all missing

Yeah, I'm chilling on a dirt road

Laid back, swerving like I'm George Jones

Smoke rolling out the window

An ice cold beer sitting in the console

Memory lane up in the headlights

It's got me reminiscing on them good times

I'm turning off a real life drive and that's right

I'm hitting easy street on mud tires

I sit back and think about them good old days

The way we were raised in our southern ways

And we like cornbread and biscuits

And if it's broke 'round here, we fix it

I can take y'all where you need to go

Down to my hood, back in them woods

We do it different round here, that's right

But we sure do it good and we do it all night

So if you really want to know how it feels

To get off the road with trucks and four wheels

Jump on in and, man, tell your friends

We'll raise some hell where the black top ends

I'm chilling on a dirt road

Laid back, swerving like I'm George Jones

Smoke rolling out the window

An ice cold beer sitting in the console

Memory lane up in the headlights

It's got me reminiscing on them good times

I'm turning off a real life drive and that's right

I'm hitting easy street on mud tires, let's ride

Yeah, I'm chilling on a dirt road

Laid back, swerving like I'm George Jones

Smoke rolling out the window

An ice cold beer sitting in the console

Memory lane up in the headlights

It's got me reminiscing on them good times

I'm turning off a real life drive and that's right

I'm hitting easy street on mud tires, let's ride

One of our houses @ Currituck in OBX -- FAVORITE!

An ice cold beer sitting in the console

Memory lane up in the headlights

It's got me reminiscing on them good times

I sit back and think about them good old days

There are not many dads out there who would go search the streets for a McDonald's Happy Meal toy.

Hey there! I was thinking about you this morning on the way into work and when I got to my desk I remembered a funny/sweet story that I wanted to remind you of! It involves myself at the young age of 5-8 (can't remember exactly), a miniature Mr. Potato Head toy from a Happy Meal, a cool fall day, and us cruising down Telegraph Road...

This has to be one of the cutest memories I have.

One day you and I were coming back from somewhere, can't remember where exactly, and we had just stopped to get some lunch at McDonalds. I had ordered a Happy Meal that had a mini Mr. Potato Head in it, I was so excited about this toy for some reason! We had got into the car to head home and I remember you rolling our windows down to get some fresh air as we cruised down Telegraph. At that point I thought it would be a great idea to let Mr. Potato Head join in on the fun, so I put him in my little left hand and stuck it out the window. I distinctively remember you telling me that I better be careful because if I did not hold him tight, I would lose him. Well, me being Ashleigh, I was decided that (1) you were crazy and (2) my grip was too tight for him to escape. I must of become a little more confident as we sped down the road because I decided to loosen my grip (god forbid I squeeze the little plastic toy too tight). I remember exactly where we were when Mr. Potato Head decided to make a run for it. The wind caught him and out of my hand he flew, landing somewhere on the side of the road. I turned to you and you said, "I told you not to hang him out the window Ash!" I begged you to pull over so I could get out and look for him and when you said no, the flood gates opened. I was so upset, even after you told me that next time we went to McDonalds, I could get another one. I didn’t want to take no for answer but you being the adult (and me not being able to drive) Mr. Potato Head was forced to spent the rest of his life on the side of the road. I woke up the next morning and was traumatized by the thought of Mr. PH being left out in the road all night, alone....possibly injured....without a little child to hold him. Mom had put me on the bus to go to Sunday school and I thought about him all day. Sunday school comes to an end and the bus drops me back off at the house, I go up to my room to change into some comfortable clothes.... when something on my nightstand catches my eye. This can't be so! Mr. Potato Head was sitting on my nightstand. And this wasn't just any Mr. Potato Head, this was the one from yesterday because he was all scuffed and scrapped up from his flight. I was so shocked and so happy. Looking back, I can't believe how awesome of a dad you were. There are not many dads out there who would go search the streets for a McDonald's Happy Meal toy.

I swear you bless me with your cooking abilities whenever I set foot into the kitchen.

Hey there!! How are you today? I know it has been a few days since I have wrote to you. I was in class all last week and Friday was my birthday, so you know I was partying this weekend! The big 24, woo! I wish you were here to celebrate with me. Mom actually came down for my bbq on Saturday night, wish you were there with us so bad. I actually cooked for everyone! I swear you bless me with your cooking abilities whenever I set foot into the kitchen. You know I am right too, this girl couldn’t even make Mac and Cheese back in the day. Now I am making full course meals for groups of 10+. I still shock myself. HA! You missed out on some amazing red/white sangria, potato salad, pasta salad, burgers, and beer soaked brats! Everyone said they really enjoyed the food (hopefully they weren’t just trying to be nice...) We had a handful of great people and a lot of good laughs, like I said, it would have been even better if you were able to come.

Friday night Kel took me out to McCormick and Schmicks where we indulged in a fantastic seafood dinner and a bottle of good Pinot Noir. We had crab stuffed sea bass, swordfish, oysters, calamari (your fav!), crème brulee, coconut ice-cream, and flan. Your kind of meal, huh?! My favorite part of the dinner had to be the menu with my name on the top, it came out wrapped in pretty ribbon. So cool!!

Thursday night, Mom, Blair and I went out to dinner at Cheesecake factory and shopped til we dropped afterwards. So all in all a great birthday weekend! Oh and I forgot to mention Sunday night, I ended the birthday weekend with Vanilla Bean birthday cake in bed! Always a favorite and I must go out with a bang! :-)

I feel like I have had major writers block lately, either that or I have been relatively boring the past week or so. I have been trying to lay low and relax a bit, so there is not much to talk about!! I will think of something, or just try and live a more exciting life, until then.....

Love and miss you with all my heart.



I still could of used your assistance with opening my gifts this year!



Miss you today

Daddy J, 

You brought so much happiness and laughter into my life. You taught me the difference between right and wrong and how to be a good person. You pushed me to strive to be the best. Now look at me, I am successful and still put my best efforts in all that comes my way. You gave me guidance but gave me my freedom. You were my biggest fan; best friend and above all dad, you were and still are my heart. Thank you for everything. Each day is harder than the last but it gives me comfort to know that you are with me, free of pain, in all that I do and everywhere that I go in this crazy thing called life. 

Love and miss you with all that I’ve got,

Your BIG

Rolling Thunder Pictures- We Know You Were There In Spirit

Since you have always had the utmost respect for the military, I thought I would share a little history on Rolling Thunder, from the Official Rolling Thunder Website; http://www.rollingthundermotorcyclerally.com/

"To appreciate how far Rolling Thunder has come, you must go back to where and how and why the Rally got started.It was a silent collective cry of American Prisoners of War (POWs) left behind that prompted Ray Manzo, Corporal USMC, to try in some small way to make things right. As the summer of 1987 approached, Manzo observed some veterans by the Reflecting Pool near the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall in Washington, D.C. and asked them for help. His idea: Host a motorcycle run in the nation's capital to show the country and the world that abandoned American soldiers in Vietnam still mattered to their fellow servicemen and the country for which they sacrificed their freedom.

From that day on, things began to happen. Fellow veterans embraced his idea and began to help. There was retired Army Sergeant Major John Holland, head of the American Foundation for Accountability of POW/MIAs, Ted Sampley with Homecoming II Project at the Last Firebase vigil, retired Marine 1st Sergeant Walt Sides, president of the non-profit Warriors Inc, and Bob Schmitt who had a POW family member.

Walt Sides recalled how his first meeting with Manzo left a lasting impression. "I remember it was a pretty, sunny, warm day not long after Memorial Day in 1987. I can still see him walking up the steps towards us (Holland, Sampley, and Schmitt). He looked just like a Marine climbing those steps," Sides claims, "kinda' dumb looking, with a look that said: 'Boys, I need some help.' " It's an old truth that a Marine can always spot a fellow Marine, no matter how out of uniform or far away.

Manzo explained his idea and asked, "Could we do a run of motorcycles for the cause?" According to Sides, "John Holland and I looked at each other and said: Let's do it!" And it was then the name "Rolling Thunder" was adopted for the Rally. Schmitt was staring in the direction of the Memorial Bridge while listening intensely to Manzo's idea and simply blurted out, "It will be the sound of rolling thunder coming across that bridge." The name stuck."

Mike and Justin Goofin!

 


Mike on his Bike





Represent!

 


Proud to be an American

 


Mike's Bike

 


I know, I know, you have to see it to believe it. MOM on a HARLEY!!!!

 


Down in Old Town, Alexandria

 

Ride on Dad!

Always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

At the Wedding Rehearsal/Dinner

It has officially been a year and I cannot believe how fast time has flown by over the last 365 days. The weekend was pretty rough, I hate to get hung up on the idea of being "extra" sad because it is the year anniversary, however, I think that it finally sunk in this weekend, causing me to experience an extreme feeling of sadness and loss. We had a very eventful weekend, which was good and bad. It was good because it allowed me to ease my mind and stay busy, it was bad because there were so many things that happened that reminded me of you. Friday and Saturday was tied up with Kir and Mike's wedding stuff. We spent the first part of the weekend at Kelly's Ford, 500 acres of country land(absolutely beautiful out there), spending time with Nate and Sim, attending the rehearsal/dinner, attending the wedding and just hanging out. It was such a gorgeous ceremony and a fun reception. I will admit though, it tore me up to see Kirsten and her dad walk down the aisle, do their father/daughter dance (it was to Tiny Dancer, so sweet) and watch Paul (her dad) give his speech at the reception. It took all that I had to fight back the tears during all of that, I was so happy for Kirsten, however, I couldn’t help think about how I will never have that, I will never have a dad to walk me down the aisle. It sucks. All that being said, at the end of the day there is really nothing I can do about it, thus I try very hard not to let it get to me too much, but it still bothers me from time to time.  The wedding took us into Sunday, which was another eventful day as well. We picked Jeff up from the metro station in Springfield and went over to the house to have a BBQ for Memorial Day.

That was such a great day and everyone there was thinking of you. Mike, Justin's dad rode his Harley all the way from Ohio, just to partake in Rolling Thunder that weekend. Can you believe that mom went down into DC on the bike with him? In all that traffic? Yeah, I was pretty shocked/impressed myself! She did it in honor and memory of you. Blair and Justin rode the metro downtown so they could see them riding in and once all of them returned we set up for a BBQ. It was a fun evening, I was happy that Mom had plenty of friends and family around to ease the pain and fill the void. Blair, Mom and I are very fortunate to have such a close group of friends/family, it makes the holidays and special occasions much more bearable.

One of the coolest things from that day had to be a butterfly (or moth, not sure what it was) that had landed and stayed put on the doorway to your bedroom. It sat up there all day. We all tried to blow on it to make it fall or fly away and despite the BBQ breath and big blows of hot air, the little thing held on tight. It was fighting so hard to not flutter away! I saw a lot of butterflies this weekend, more than I usually see. Maybe I was just more cognizant of my surroundings, or maybe it was you letting me know that you were there....either way it made me smile each time that I saw one. I let the dogs out on Monday morning and I was sitting on the deck waiting for them to go to the bathroom when all of a sudden two monarchs came out of nowhere and flew right across my face. Little things like that make me so happy, I always think that each butterfly is you.   

Well I am getting ready to call it a day, I have a lot more to catch you up on! Talk to you soon, love and miss you so much...

P.S. Mom and Blair made it home safely from ITALY!!

Crazy in Italy, glad they made it home alive!