Happy Thursday!

Hey dad! Thinking about you, the sun just came through the window at my cubicle (did I mention that I am now at a cube with a window? Movin on up, doin' big things! LOL) Anyways, it made me think that you were smilling down on me, how lame am I to think that? If I were to say that to your face you would of laughed at me and called me goofy.

Today at lunch I worked on my book for a little bit, I am making progress. I tackled a good portion of the chapter I wanted to get done. A chapter that I have been avoiding for a while now because I didnt know how to write it. It is the chapter titled, "Losing a dad, my best friend" I wanted you to check it out, I still have some work to do on it but.....here you go....

Losing a dad, my best friend.

This is without question the hardest part of the book I will write. I do not even know where to begin with this one. First, let me start off by saying that my dad was just not like any ordinary dad, he was someone I considered to be one of my best friends. I never thought that I would lose him so soon, so suddenly, but I did. It was a matter of minutes when he slipped out of my life, never to return again. I will never forget that day, the day that I lost him.

The day before dad died he was out doing one of his favorite activities, golfing with his best friend. I am so happy that dad made it out to the green one last time with Pinky. I went through some of his stuff before the funeral and one of the places I checked was the pockets of his golf bag. I was desperate to find something that he may of touched or had some form of interaction with. You know what I found? A golf ball with green and brown scuff marks. It was one of, if not the last, ball that he hit. It is now in a box in my closet along with many other little things of his. I sometimes go into that box to look at everything, I always contemplate taking the golf ball out and taking it with me in my purse for good luck - but I am notorious for loosing things and I would be devastated if I lost it, so I keep it safe and sound in the closet.

That same day that dad went golfing, I called him and he was at the fish store and looking back it seems odd that he did both things in one day. Typically he got tired after golfing and wouldn’t want to go anywhere once he showered and got home. I called him while he was at the fish store because I wanted to tell him about how I ran out of wrapping paper when I was wrapping Kelly's big screen TV that I got him for his birthday. He answered and didn’t sound like himself, but I figured it was because he was tired from golf so I didn’t press the issue, usually I would of asked him a million times, "what's wrong, are you ok dad?!" but I let it go this time. I remember the whole conversation, verbatim.

I was laying on my bedroom floor as he told me about this $75 dollar clam that he really wanted to get for his tank but he couldn't justify spending $75 on a clam. I responded, "Dad why would you spend that much on a clam? It better be one tasty clam!" and he just laughed at me, I still can picture that goofy grin he probably had on his face as he shook his head thinking, “only my daughter would say something like that”. He told me that he was going to let me go so I could finish wrapping Kelly's gift and he could look at fish in peace (LOL) but he told me twice, "call me later tonight, ok?" then he said "I love you very much, Ash" and I responded with "I love you more, dad!!" I called him back a few times that night and he never picked up. I figured he left his cellphone downstairs on the bar by his fish tank where he always left it. I went to bed that night with no idea that I would wake up to the worst news of my life.

Blair rang my cell phone, once...twice....three times....around 10am. I finally woke up to answer the phone and I said "hey Blair what's up" and it was her, but it didn’t sound like her, she was screaming and crying into the phone. I immediately jumped out of the bed and ran down the stairs out to my car...Kelly jumped up too and started running behind me asking what's wrong?  I told him to just get in the car, so he hopped in as I was in reverse. Both of us in pajamas with no shoes on, straight out of bed. I sped up I-95 and got to the house, no one was there. I ran down to the basement to check if anyone was down there and then the phone rang, it was a guy asking for Dr. Coo. I said “this is not Dr. Coo but my dad is a patient of his, is there something wrong with my dad?” The guy (who I later found out was a nurse at INOVA hospital) said he had the wrong number and couldn’t disclose any information. I told him that my dad is in the hospital and he better tell me something, he said "Ma’am, you should get to the hospital as soon as you can." I dropped the phone and it tumbled down the whole flight of stairs, I swear it felt like my heart tumbled down the stairs with the phone. I quickly grabbed a pair of flip-flops and had Kelly drive us to the hospital.

I ran into the emergency room, saw my mom and sister standing there with looks of complete devastation on their faces, tears running down their cheeks like waterfalls, I knew that it couldn’t be good news. I still was in complete shock, I didn’t know what happened and it hadn't clicked that  he was not just having another low blood sugar; it didn’t click until the nurse allowed us to go see him. I peeked through the teal blue hospital curtain and saw him lying there, on the table, lifeless. I dropped to my knees and still was in complete disbelief, thinking to myself that someone was playing a bad joke on us. There was no way…. “How could this of happened?” I thought to myself.

My amazing sister was there with him the morning that he passed away. The two of them ate breakfast together and watched one of Dad’s Saturday morning fishing shows. Pap told me that Dad was in such a great mood that morning; he was singing an “I hate Obama” song that he either made up on his own or heard on Rush Limbaugh’s show. The sun was so bright that day and the weather perfect, he went out to mow the lawn while Blair got a shower. When Blair got out of the shower she went to the window and saw him  face down in the driveway, immediately she ran out to see what happened, thinking he just had another low blood sugar. It kills me that my little sister had to be the witness to this. After calling 911, she performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and waited for the paramedics to get there. Immediately they took over and Blair had to wait outside of the ambulance alone. I wish that it would have been me there, I wish Blair wasn’t alone for that. I still feel guilty for not getting to the house sooner that morning. I hate myself for moving down to Stafford because it meant that I was not there that last morning to eat breakfast with him. I hate that Blair had to go through that morning on her own. I just hate that this whole thing happened. The two things that give me comfort is that dad went peacefully and he knew how much all of us loved him. All four of us told one another how much we loved each other every single day. We have a lot of great memories, we have more than most families develop over an entire lifetime and us three girls have many more to come. Of course, we will have dad with us in our hearts, every step of the way.

Now I am sure you all are wondering what happened, why did my dad pass away so suddenly, so randomly. Below is an article that I wrote to the American Diabetes Association after Dad passed away, hoping that my voice would get heard.

Article written on 10/19/2010, explaining the importance of diabetes research and prevention;

“Recently I lost the most important person in my life to diabetes, my dad and best friend. We celebrated what would have been his 55^th birthday this past week-end. My dad, a Type1 diabetic for nearly 35 years, passed away unexpectedly on the morning of May 30^th 2010 from a massive heart attack.  This is why I care about diabetes prevention and research funding and why I am determined to put a stop to diabetes.

The majority of the population is unaware that diabetes is more than just a disease that hinders a body from producing insulin. The disease also has the ability to increase an individual’s chance of developing various other complications.   Although my dad tried very hard never let his girls see the true pain he was in, we noticed; it was truly heartbreaking to witness him deteriorate at such a rapid pace. My sister, mom and I watched my dad suffer every day for the past five years with many different complications that stemmed from the diabetes.  I am hoping that through my Dad’s story, diabetes awareness will be raised, so that people will be encouraged and motivated to either prevent or control the disease.

This is my story.

My sister and I grew up knowing that our dad was a diabetic. We grew up seeing his insulin, syringes, and blood glucose monitor on the kitchen counter. Every night after dinner, we would watch him give himself a shot of insulin. Diabetes was not an unknown concept to us. We knew that if he didn’t eat enough he would get a low blood sugar, or if he ate too many sweets, it wouldn’t be good for his body.

It started with dad developing peripheral neuropathy, nerve damage that causes pain, numbness and/or weakness in your feet and hands.  As the neuropathy worsened, dad had a hard time feeling his feet. He would describe how it felt to walk as having two long boards instead of feet. He would trip often and had a hard time walking long distances. Despite the constant pain and inability to walk some days, he never complained.

In addition to the neuropathy, he developed retinopathy and gradually lost all vision in his left eye. He went through various retina surgeries to prevent full deterioration of the vision in his left eye, yet nothing seemed to work. Unlike most, he didn’t let that get him down either. He used to read his magazines and books with a big magnifying glass, my sister and I used to tease him about being an “old man” with his big ole’ magnifying glass. That is the kind of relationship my sister and I had with dad, always laughing and having a great time. He never failed to put a smile on our face.

Most recently dad developed gastro paresis, a type of neuropathy in which food is delayed from leaving the stomach, making it very difficult to monitor his blood glucose levels. This resulted in not eating and many low blood sugars. These are just a few of the many things that Dad experienced from being a diabetic. Complications from diabetes lead to his massive heart attack, he was only 54 years old when he died, and still full of life with many things he wanted to do. Unfortunately diabetes doesn’t care if you have big plans for the future or a family that couldn’t live without you, it’s a disease that can control your life and completely take over.

As previously stated, the majority of the population is unaware about the additional complications caused by diabetes. Which is why I think it is imperative that funding for research and prevention be granted.”

Unfortunately, I never heard back from the ADA regarding this article. However be writing it, I was provided an outlet. Ever since I lost my dad, I have found immense comfort in writing. I have two books that I have written in since he died. Pages filled with letters to him and memories so that I will never forget anything. I went through the various stages of grief and writing through each of the stages helped me to get through them.

I still have moments where I feel like my dad is only a phone call away. I would give anything to talk to him, hug him, see him again. For those of you reading who are not close with your dad, fix your relationship, a father is someone who is irreplaceable and the love that a father has for his daughter(s) is like no other love.

Excerpt from my eulogy at Dad’s funeral;

Dad was our best friend, biggest fan and most importantly our heart. The relationship Blair and I share with Dad is a special one. He has always been such an awesome person and so much fun. He could make us laugh like no one else could and was always making our friends laugh. There was just something about him that made everyone like him.

We grew up listening to Metallica, Creed, Guns and Roses, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, you know, all the cool music! Dad would rock out in the car, singing the words (well trying to sing the words!) to every song playing on 99.1 HFS or DC101, myself in the front seat, Blair in the back… top down, music blasting…yep, you guessed it, we thought we were total bad asses. My dad left the house, we wanted to go, just so we could get in the car and blast the music. Now when mom came along, I got stuck in the back seat…which wasn’t as cool, but I still felt cooler than everyone else!

Somehow anything we did with dad made us feel that way, we shared excitement in all the things he did. When he got his Harley Davidson, I remember bragging to all my friends that my dad was a “biker”. He would ride his bike to my soccer games and I remember hearing him come up the road. I remember the butterflies I got in my stomach. In my head I would think, “yeah, that’s my dad, I know you are jealous!”

Everything we did, we wanted mom and dad to be a part of. Some of the best nights and most memorable ones are those we spent kickin’ it on the back patio with a few friends, some cold beers, and the company of mom and dad. Dad would always be the center of conversation, with an ability to socialize with anyone and just a funny personality. My friends loved him and I know that meant a lot to him.

The only thing giving us comfort at this moment is the fact that we know he will no longer suffer from the pain he fought through every single minute of every single day these past few years. He did his best to hang on for us girls, we saw him everyday fight off the pain just to be around a little while longer. He knew it was his time to go and he was taken from us in the way that he always said he wanted.

He didn’t suffer.  He was outside in the warm air, the sun was shining, the grass was green and the sky was the brightest blue that Sunday morning. Like his girls, Dad loved that summer air, the sound of birds chirping and that warm feeling of sunshine. This time last year I was set on the idea of finding him and me a place on the beach so he could enjoy the ocean. Dad, I know you are enjoying the ocean. You are able to play golf without having to worry about the pain, you can ride that Harley and sit out on the beach and feel the sand beneath your toes. Yeah We know, We know, you are livin’ it up and We are totally jealous.

You know for a fact Blair and I would much rather be on the coast of somewhere beautiful than stuck here in Virginia, don’t rub it in!

But Dad, you deserve it. Live it up and save us a spot right next to ya.

Far Behind....

Far Behind by Candlebox came on my Ipod and it made me think of you. I can see us rocking out to this song with the top back in the beamer. You want to know something funny? Guess what made me think of adding this song to my Ipod last night? Kenny Powers! Yes sir, season three is now out, can you believe it?! I remember anxiously awaiting season two with you. Every time I see anything resembling Kenny Powers it makes me think of you. Gosh, we were obsessed with that show, weren’t we? I remember the one week we watched season one, episode four, every night when I got home from work. “You look like a busted Daytona stripper in that shit!” For those of you reading this blog, check out the show. (Iif you are sensitive to crude humor and/or get offended easily, disregard this suggestion!)

I know that lately I have not written in this blog, you know me I go through phases and I am huge on handwriting stuff, but for some reason I thought that just in case something were to happen to my books I have written to you, I better write the occasional blog entry. I would be devastated if something were to happen to the books I have written to you. The other night Kel and I were talking and it was funny because I thought I had left a candle on in our bedroom and I got nervous that the house may burn down. Kel very casually responded with, "as long as you and the dogs are out of the house and safe, let it burn, we are insured." I responded with, "what about all of our stuff?!" and he said as long as I have you and the pups, I am good (he is so sweet!) but I told him that "I would want to make sure that all of our pictures, cards to one another, my journals and books I have wrote to my dad were safe!" He suggested going to get a fireproof safe. I think I am going to do that in the near future. Like I said, I would be devastated if I lost all my memories, I don't really care about the materialistic things, they can be replaced. I would however try to save my few pairs of True Religion jeans and Kel and my blanket collection…. Hahaha but I digress….

Miyajima Island with the deer! So cold that day!!

The last time I have written to you (electronically) was back in October, where has the time gone? I could try and do a full blown catch-up session, however I think that you know what has been going on in the fabulous life of your daughter. There have been a few ups and downs over the last few months, but you know me, I always have and always will land on my feet. I have a lot of great times recently, so the bad times are swept under the rug. Holla! Guess what Kel and I did during Christmas and New Years? Explored a far, far away land, hello JAPAN! Did you ever think that you would hear me say that I spent almost a month in Japan and absolutely LOVED everything about it? Yeah, I never thought that I would hear myself say that either, but dad, it was awesome. I was exposed to a whole new culture and it was beautiful. The people, the food, the scenery, everything was just wonderful. I plan to write a whole Japan chapter in the book I am currently writing, I will be sure to post it once I complete it. Until then I will attach some great pictures for your viewing pleasure!

So what else is new with me? I am currently writing a book, I plan to have it done by my 25^th birthday. That is an ambitious goal considering my level of busyness lately, yet I am going to try my hardest. These next few months are going to be pretty busy for me, but I am looking forward to what is coming up! For starters, this weekend Blair and I are road tripping up to Pittsburgh to spend the weekend with Kel’ family, I love going up there and spending time with them, I always have such a good time. Delaney is growing up so fast, every time I go up there she gets taller and more mature, she is such an awesome kid and so smart!

At the end of the month Blair, Mom and I are going on a weekend trip to the OBX for mom’s birthday. I am really looking forward to that trip, we are going to sip some wine on the beach and kick back. We are also having a photo shoot done of us girls, that is going to be a blast. I love pictures!

Well dad, I hate to run, but I have to get back to work, lunch time is over. I am going to try and type more in this blog as opposed to handwriting stuff…you know…just in case. Haha. Love and miss you SO much. Enjoy the pics!

On the ferry over to Miyajima

Us on NYE

New Year's good luck bite from the chinese dragon!



We were singing karioke!



Kel sharing with the deer!

Beautiful!

Chowin down on some squid!

Kel and Terry at Terry's bar, you would love this spot!



I loved Japanese architecture!



How they see Americans!



PS, I put a small excerpt from Chapter One of my book in the post below. I still need to edit it, but thought I would give you a taste of where I am going with it.

Excerpt from Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE

The Younger Years

On June 10^th, 1987 a star was born. Ha. I wish I could say that! While my parents may consider me a star, most people just know me as Ashleigh. I was born in the early morning hours of June 10^th. My parents first child, a beautiful green eyed baby girl. I am sure they were ecstatic, yet scared shitless. What young couple isn’t scared shitless when they pop out their first child? I have not popped out any babies yet, however, I imagine when the time does come my husband and I will be scared. Babies are cute and cuddly but a heck of a lot of work. Anyway, my parents, Chris and Patricia Johnson were graced with my presence on this beautiful day in June. For as long as I can remember my parents have always told me that I was the best thing to ever happen to them and I was truly a gift. I think that has to be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Being told that since birth has turned me into a conceited and confident biatch. Totally kidding. All jokes aside, being told that all the time allowed me to grow up with a high level of self-confidence that has brought me where I am today. Thank you for that, Mom and Dad. 

Many memories of childhood stick with you as you grow older. Certain events, people and places imbedded a permanent picture in my mind. One of my earliest memories is the day I popped out of the womb. I remember thinking to myself, “I cannot wait to get out of this woman and make my grand entrance.” I remember seeing the doctor’s hands reach for me and a bright light making my eyes burn. As I am being pulled out I remember screaming, “Here I am! I am finally free!” However, mom, dad and the doctors heard something totally different….what they heard is screaming and crying. It is not my fault I was less than a few minutes old and anything but articulate. Now for those of you who don’t know me, I am very sarcastic. That being said, do you really think I remembered the day I was born? Absolutely not, who does. In fact, I cannot pinpoint the first clear memory of my childhood. All I can remember is an assemblage of various memories throughout my first 3-5 years of life. I remember the people who meant the most to me and my first house.

I lived on a quiet little street across from a graveyard in good ole’ Alexandria, VA. My grandfather, who I will refer to throughout my book as “Pap,” had a hand in building all the houses on the street. Him and my grandmother, “Mimi” lived next door to us. I remember spending a significant amount of time over at my grandparents’ house. They were my afterschool care and summer time babysitter. My parents had it good, I never had to go to a day care and they only had to drop me off next door before going into work. I have fond memories of summers spent at Mimi and Pap’s house. At the beginning of every summer they would take me to the local K-Mart and let me pick out a backyard pool. I would spend hours swimming each summer day with the company of my grandfather, sunbathing naked on the lawn chair next to me. Please don’t say you actually believed me…Pap would sit out and sunbathe but let me assure you that he on swimming trunks and a T-Shirt. To this day, Pap still sunbathes. He probably is the tannest man I know. Being a brick layer and lawn mowing connoisseur his whole life, he developed a thick layer of skin and permanent tan, how he hasn’t developed skin cancer is beyond me.



Pap and I, Summer 1989

At a very young age I learned the importance of family, at the time I didn’t notice it, but looking back I am so fortunate that I had my family close by while growing up. In addition to swimming in the backyard I remember so many other great things that I did in the company of Mimi and Pap. I was spoiled. Mimi would take me up to the local grocery store when she did her weekly grocery shopping and she let me throw whatever my little heart desired into the cart. I was fed well, my sweet tooth was always satisfied and I had my own pool in the backyard. What more could a little girl want? After a day of being spoiled by my grandparents I would wait for my mom or dad’s car to pull into the driveway and then I would run over to greet them, only to be showered with love, excitement and more spoiling. They hadn’t seen their first born baby girl all day and they missed me so much! Oh how I knew how to milk things for all they were worth.

Life only continued to get better. My god-mother, who is now one of my idols and best friends, moved in with my grandparents. Not only did I have Mimi and Pap next door, I now had Pam living a yard away, what a lucky girl I was. Pam was in her mid-twenties when I was first introduced to her, I looked up to her, just as I do now. She would let me sleepover and spend time with her whenever I wanted, she was like the big sister I never had. My family was complete, or so I thought.

My baby sister, Blair, came into the picture in November of 1992. At that point we had moved out of our comfy one-level home on Lenclair Street to a three level home in Lake Devereux. One random memory I have from when we first day we moved in is sitting in the family room of our new home, with no furniture, eating the Cheetos that came in a bright green bag, the actual Cheetos were in the shape of cheetah paws. Since then, that kind of Cheeto has been discontinued (bummer because it was my absolute favorite), bad move on behalf of the Cheeto company because now I no longer purchase Cheetos.  Anyway, back to Blair being born.

Talk about a rude awakening…

First, let me start off by saying that according to my parents, all children are very different. My mom describes Blair and me as being the complete and total opposite when we were babies. I have been told that the only time my parents could remember me crying as a child was when I was sick. As for Blair, they cannot recall a time when she was not crying. I guess I tricked my parents into believing that having a baby around was a walk in the park, whoops, my bad. I was the perfect child and Blair, well, she had her flaws…but to be completely honest, I think that it all had to do with the way she entered the world...

Halloween night 1992 was the night before that little bundle of joy was born. It was also the night that I experienced what anger really felt like for the first time. I was 5 years old and Blair was about to make her first appearance into this world. Now you would think that I would be excited about a new baby sister, wrong. Blair’s birthday will be forever known as the day she ruined my 5th Halloween. In the midst of all the attention my unborn baby sister was getting, I was getting shafted on a Halloween costume that year. Now think about it, most five year old girls were dressed up in tiaras and pink princess dresses, guess what I was dressed as….Due to poor planning, procrastination, and an imaginative idea from our god-mom, I was dressed up as a homeless person. Are you serious? Who dresses their cute blonde five year old up as a hobo? And they wonder why I am the way that I am…Still to this day, I tease mom for letting her precious five year old daughter get dressed up as a homeless person on Halloween.

On top of the costume dilemma, as I was on my way out the door to go fill my bucket with my favorite candy, Dad scooped me up and said Blair is on the way, we have to get mom to the hospital! Try pulling away a five year old from a bucket of candy to go sit for hours in a hospital that smells like rubber gloves, it didn’t go over to well and it took me a while to forgive Blair for her inconvenient entrance into the world. 

October Weather!

Hey there! Happy October, I cannot believe that we are about to pass another birthday of yours without you here. The weather is starting to get colder and the leaves are beginning to change. Mom and I were talking last night as we were walking all three dogs…she told me about how you too loved this time of year, especially when Blair and I were little.  I like hearing stories about you that I have never heard before, I feel some sort of connection, like you are still here or something. It is such an odd feeling because it makes me happy and so sad at the same time, it makes me miss you and I start to think about all the things I will never get to share with you, but then I remember all the great times I did get the opportunity to share with you. I don’t know, I am just all over the map lately in regards to my emotions. I was telling mom last night that I remember certain things so vividly, a lot of things actually…but I remember this time of year and how your cheeks felt when you came in from letting the dogs out or taking the trash out. You would always go “Brrrrrr! It is chilly out there!” and I remember one time I grabbed your cheeks and said “let me feel!” I don’t remember what year it was, but I remember exactly how your cheeks felt, how weird huh!?I wish you were here so I could grab your cheeks again! Haha.

I wanted to show you some pictures of your fish tank, I was so happy when I went down to Skip’s house and saw it. I hadn’t seen it since they took it down there.  I was so impressed with how well he has kept the tank. Also, I was absolutely ecstatic that the majority of your fish, coral and other things were alive. You would be so happy with it.

Love and miss you so much dad.

Ash

More pictures for you!

Our stud-muffin,  Tuff! 

Our Princess, Tootsie! (She is all puffed up and
ready to attack in this photo!)

Both of our babies! Pooped after their walk. Dad, you would LOVE them. 

Kelly and I at a wedding in PA.  I am so proud of him!!! 

I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists

Pam S. sent me this and I immediately thought of you...It is so true. I love it and I know you will too... 

I'm 63 and I'm Tired"

by Robert A. Hall

I'm 63. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked hard since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired.

  

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money.

I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood Entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe , the freedom of the press of China , the crime and violence of Mexico , the tolerance for Christian people of Iran , and the freedom of speech of Venezuela ....

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of U.S. Senators from Illinois.

I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government. Like Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's fabulous and everything he says makes sense! Why doesn't someone convince HIM to run!

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America , while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're greener than Gore, you're green enough.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I #@*# sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.

I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists"? And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military.... Those are the citizens we need.

I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet.. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are? Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.

I'm tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers; bums are bipartisan. And I'm tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois , where the " Illinois Combine" of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama's cabinet.

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.

I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.

Yes, I'm tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter.

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

Fall reminds me of you

Hey there! How are you daddy?! I know it has been a while since I have wrote last. However, don't think that means I don't think about you all day, every day. You are still always on my mind with whatever I do. I am currently up in Philadelphia for a class and I really wish I could pick up the phone and call you. I thought about that earlier today, I miss the days when I would call and talk your ear off while I was battling the 95 traffic home. September is here and that means summer is winding  down and the fall of the year is knocking at the door. Fall reminds me of you, mainly because of the weather and football season. I know how much you enjoyed the break from the humidity and the colors of the fall leaves. Not only that, but I know how much you loved to sit down and watch a good football game. I can honestly say I have little interest in watching a Skins game anymore. It just is not the same without you to walk me through every play that they make. I started working at Bobby McKeys again and every Saturday from September to December is football jersey night. I wore my Clinton Portis jersey into work a couple weekends ago only to find out later that evening that he is no longer a member of the team. FML. I have 3 Portis jerseys, go figure. Oh and get this, the following Saturday (which would be last Saturday) I went to a buy a new one and I purchased a McNabb jersey, come to find out....he is now a Viking. No wonder the jersey was on sale... If you were here, I would have known what jersey to wear/not wear. I know you were looking down and laughing at me when I was in line buying the McNabb jersey! As you always said, deeedley-dee, Ash! 


I am sitting in my hotel room and I feel super lonely without the pups here with me. I am so attached to those little guys, they are my saving grace while Kelly is overseas. They keep me company and whenever I get upset, it is like they know because they always run up to me and lick my tears away. I won't get into the whole Kelly being away thing because I will get too upset. We miss each other so much and it honestly sucks, I hope that we never have to go through something like this again. UGH. It does give me comfort knowing that he will be coming home, we just have to be patient and make the best out of the time apart and the whole situation (there is my optimism for the day, lol...) We are counting the days until he can come home. I am planning a trip out there for the Christmas/New Years time frame, so I am hoping the time until then will fly by....and of course I hope that the rest of the time he is out there will fly by too.   


Also, I just wanted to let you know that I paid off the last of my college loans today. I want to say thank you to both you and mom. I really appreciate all the help you guys gave me along the way. I could not have done it without the help of you both. It is good feeling to have something so important paid off. So thank you and mom for all of your help!! I am very lucky to have 2 amazing parents. I love you both very much. 


Well daddy, I am going to get ready for bed. Know that I miss you so much and I wish you were here to help me through this hard time...but I know you are up there helping me in the best way that you can.  I am going to attach some updated photos for you to look at. It has been a while since you have seen any new pics! 


Love and miss you more with each passing day, 
Big

My first tattoo, on my right wrist.
It is my DaddyJ butterfly!

I got another one..."Live for today"
on my left wrist. A little bit of inspiration
for the difficult days.

Your two girls out in the mountains, HIKING!

Your two black grandbabies! 

Kel and I before he left :)

Shake Shake Earthquake

Hey there Dad!

How are you today? I hope that all is still intact up there, especially after that earthquake! HAHA can you believe that we had an Earthquake on the east coast? I did not think that was possible! I was sitting at my desk yesterday afternoon and I honestly thought our building was getting bombed, the first thing I did was duck by my filing cabinet, then once I realized that everyone else was running out, I followed. It was a big mess! Our building was evacuated and we were sent home for the day. I think everyone was a little over the top but that is expected. Haha you know why… But anyway, the last earthquake in VA was back in 1897 and that one was about 5.8 on the Richter scale… I think yesterday’s earthquake was 5.9. Oh snap we are making history!

In other news….

1.       I started to work at Bobby’s this weekend, I missed that place a lot. It has changed a bit but it is still a great part-time job. Some of my old friends are there and the money is still good. I am hoping to save up enough money within the next two years so I can get the heck out of VA.

2.       I have been taking the dogs on daily walks and they seem to really enjoy it. The weather is getting cooler and I take them around 7PM each night. We walk for about half an hour and by that time their little legs are all tuckered out. I look forward to walking with them, it gives me some time to clear my head and get some fresh air. You would make fun of me because I drive them to the neighborhood across the street from mine to go for their walk…it is a little nicer and doesn’t get as dark at night over there. I am just trying to keep us safe! LOL.

3.       I am starting my Masters program for real this time. I just submitted my TA paperwork through work and should be good to start on October 14^th. I already have 9 credits completed, just 27 more to go and I will have my Masters degree in Procurement and Acquisition Management. 27 credits equates to 9 classes…sounds pretty attainable. I should be able to complete it before Kelly comes home. That is my goal anyway. We will see!

Dad, I apologize but I have been struggling with writing lately. I think recently my life has just been relatively uneventful, yet filled with emotion. So the words just don’t seem to flow like they usually do. I have so much on my mind and yet I can’t find the words to tell you about it. I think it’s because I just simply don’t know where to begin. These last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for me, I am up and down, happy and sad all at the same time. I am hoping that my emotions will calm down soon and I will be able to write to you as much as I used to. I like writing to you on a daily basis and I miss doing so. I love and miss you very much.

Old School!

Blair found these, I love them! Thought I would share. <3

My Butterfly

None of us will ever forget this day, yet we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world.

I thought I would post this on your page, since I know you like this speech too. I feel the need to represent America whenever possible. Love you!

Good evening.

Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts.

The victims were in airplanes or in their offices -- secretaries, businessmen and women, military and federal workers. Moms and dads. Friends and neighbors.

Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror.

The pictures of airplanes flying into buildings, fires burning, huge structures collapsing, have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness and a quiet, unyielding anger.

These acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed. Our country is strong. A great people has been moved to defend a great nation.

Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve.

America was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining.

Today, our nation saw evil, the very worst of human nature, and we responded with the best of America, with the daring of our rescue workers, with the caring for strangers and neighbors who came to give blood and help in any way they could.

Immediately following the first attack, I implemented our government's emergency response plans. Our military is powerful, and it's prepared. Our emergency teams are working in New York City and Washington, D.C., to help with local rescue efforts.

Our first priority is to get help to those who have been injured and to take every precaution to protect our citizens at home and around the world from further attacks.

The functions of our government continue without interruption. Federal agencies in Washington which had to be evacuated today are reopening for essential personnel tonight and will be open for business tomorrow.

Our financial institutions remain strong, and the American economy will be open for business as well.

The search is underway for those who are behind these evil acts. I've directed the full resources for our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible and bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them.

I appreciate so very much the members of Congress who have joined me in strongly condemning these attacks. And on behalf of the American people, I thank the many world leaders who have called to offer their condolences and assistance.

America and our friends and allies join with all those who want peace and security in the world and we stand together to win the war against terrorism.

Tonight I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the children whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of safety and security has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me."

This is a day when all Americans from every walk of life unite in our resolve for justice and peace. America has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time.

Thank you. Good night and God bless America.



Rambles

Hey there dad! How are you!? I hope you are enjoying this cooler weather we have been having, I never thought I would say this, but I am ready for fall. I love summer, but my favorite attire is a pair of shorts and a hoodie. I am struggling to stay awake today so I thought I would write to you and hope that by doing so, I would wake up a little bit! Blair came down last night for a sleepover, she has been a really big help with everything I am going through right now. She and Justin both have been really good to me, they stayed down at my place over this past weekend and kept me company. It has been a week since Kel has left for Japan and I miss him so much, I just have to focus on staying busy and hopefully the time will fly. I start working at Bobby McKeys this weekend and I am super excited about that. As you know, I LOVE working there. I am so excited to get back there, woo!

Last weekend was tough without Kel here to do stuff with, but as I mentioned, Blair and Justin did a good job with keeping me company. On Friday night, they came down and cooked me dinner (stir-fry, just the way you used to cook it!), we watched a movie and passed out super early. We debated on whether or not we should go get tattoos, but decided not to. Hahaha. On Saturday I took the pups up to your place and went kayaking with Justin, Jerry and Mom. Blair was working so she could not go…We kayaked for a good couple of miles then came back and had some spicy Thai food at that place by the house. Afterwards mom and I took the pups on a walk around the neighborhood and then Blair, Justin and I went on home. Again, it was an early night for all of us, why.......? Because Blair and Justin actually convinced me to go hiking with them on Sunday morning! I was glad they made me go….it was my first hike! It was a great time on the way up to our destination, however hiking back was a little much for me, lol. The bugs, prickle bushes, wild animals, spiders, and rocks were all up in the way of our path. We hiked nine miles and by the time we made it back to the car, my left foot and knees felt like they were going to fall off. All in all it was a lot of fun though! I will post some pictures as soon as I get them from Justin.

Lets see….what else….

Monday night was a sucky night, it was raining and thundering, I laid in bed for about 3 hours after work then finally made myself get up and clean Kelly and my bathroom. FUN NIGHT! Sike! Last night I had Blair come down and we took the dogs on a long walk and went dog toy shopping at Petsmart. I spoil those pups. They have been my saving grace through all of this, those two little dogs give us so much happiness and I am glad that they are there when I get home from work, just as happy as can be. Guess what Tuff has started doing?! He has started smiling when he gets super excited or happy, it is so funny to watch him do it, it puts the biggest smile on my face!! I will have to show you some pictures if I can ever snap one while he is doing it.

OH! This is totally on a new subject, but last night Blair and I sat down and watched Bush’s post 9-11 speech on You-Tube. I don’t know why but there is something about that speech that gives me goose bumps. I think it is something that should be broadcasted on a daily basis, just so this country doesn’t forget. It just gives me such a patriotic feeling and makes me super proud of Kel, Justin and all of our friends that fight for our country. As you know, the military is something I have the utmost respect for and the fact that there are people out there that do not feel the same way just boggles my mind. I know you are proud of the guys your girls are with. Kelly and Justin are just so great.

Well dad, I am going to get back to work. I will talk to you soon, I love and miss you so much!!

"my dad would be proud of me today"

Hey there dad. I know it has been a while since I last wrote, a lot has been going on and I just have not had the opportunity to sit down and type you up a note. I have a few that I have written you over the past couple of weeks but I am finally getting the chance to sit down and talk to you now. 

Let me think, where did I last leave off.... I was getting ready to go to OBX when I last talked to you! It was a great trip, a lot of memories of you and the family while we were down there, but it was still a blast, I forgot how much I love that place. This year I stayed in Salvo, the complete opposite end of the island in which we are used to staying in. It was super nice down there, even more secluded than Corolla. Kel really enjoyed it down there as well....he said he would for sure want to take another trip down there. After spending the week down in OBX we went up to PA to visit with Kelly's family and so he could say his goodbyes. Mom came up with us on Friday and flew back on Sunday, I was happy that she decided to come up there with us, especially for Kelly's last trip for the next two years.

Today was the day, I have tried not to mention it to you in past posts, probably because I have tried to avoid it. Actually you know what...I am going to write to you in my notebook about this, I don't want to put too much of my business out on the internet....so check the book for updates on this certain situation :)

So many things have been going on this summer and it sure has flown by, I hope that time will continue to fly by.....and slow down in a couple of years. Hahaha wishful thinking, but whatever! You always used to tell me that time flies way too fast and one day I will ask myself where the last ten/twenty years have gone. I still to this day disagree with you dad...I will be young forever! Haha

I am trying to think what else to tell you, there'd has been many moments within the past few weeks that I have said to Kelly...."my dad would be proud of me today!" I think the main one was me helping Kelly epoxy the garage floor! It looks so much nicer, I really had no idea what the purpose of this was, but I am so glad that I did it! Although, I enjoyed doing it....I think Kelly tricked me into helping, lol. He told me that if I helped him, I would get to bedazzle the floor....and well....you know me when it comes to bedazzling. So of course I jumped on the opportunity. What kel failed to mention was the fact that if I agreed to help bedazzle, I would have to help with all of the other awful aspects of this task. Such as, cleaning out all the junk from the garage...sweeping all the bugs and nasty stuff  out of the garage, hosing it down, drying it, painting it....thennnnn I got to bedazzle. Whew! It was hard work but totally worth it! Proud moment for me! Haha ohhh the little things in life. 

Well daddy, we will catch up later! I love and miss you so much. I could really use you here right now. Keep me sane during these next few months, I need you.