It sure is amazing how fast time flies. I cannot believe
that two years ago today you were still here. I know that you left us on the 30th,
however the Sunday prior will always be engraved in my mind as the day I lost
my dad, my best friend. I don’t know if it was coincidence, but last night I
couldn’t sleep and I have been up for the last couple of hours awaiting the
suns arrival, today is going to be hot, but beautifully sunny. I plan on going
to the gym for spin class in about an hour and then I plan on going to home
depot and getting some flowers and possibly a table and chair’s for the deck. I
am going to try sitting outside more often, the weather is getting really nice
and I want to enjoy it, just as I know you are! I looked at your slideshow that
I made for you this morning, looking at the pictures made me smile and tear up
at the same time. I don’t know why but I keep thinking that this just is not
real. There is something about your smile, that goofy grin in the pictures,
which makes me think that you are coming back or that you are just playing a
game with us. It is really frustrating because I know that is not the case, as
much as I wish it were. I know you are in a better place though, free of pain,
livin’ it up CHRIS JOHNSON STYLE! Hey if you are around today, can you give me
some assistance with my deck!? You know I need all the help I can get!
I decided to pull out the books I wrote in for you, I just
got to laughing at some of the stuff I wrote to you. We have some of the
funniest memories and I am so glad we share the same humor, even though I
probably thought I was funny way more than I actually I was, you just always
did the right thing and laughed along with me…or at me…hmm…haha. I stumbled
across this note I wrote to you on September 25, 2010, I will type it up for
you….
Sept. 25, 2010
PAPA J! Whattup?! I felt like bedazzling your book today
with plenty of color and sparkle! Hope you are enjoying your weekend. I have
thought a lot about you today, I mean I think about you all day, every day,
however today there was a lot of things that I saw and did that reminded me of
you. Kel and I woke up and drove down to Fredericksburg to drop his car off at
the dealership and we spent the day down there. We went to Sports Authority to
look at golf clubs, Kel wanted to buy me some so that him and I could start
playing together (don’t laugh too hard at the vision of me swinging a golf
club…) Did you know that mom let Kelly have your clubs? He likes them a lot and
I love having them around. He has them hung up in the garage and every time I
walk out and see them it puts a smile on my face. You and Kelly are so much
alike it is sometimes astonishing to me. We listened to “My Town” in the car
today, you know your favorite song (sarcasm!) I told Kel how much you made fun
of it whenever I would listen to it in the car. You would always scream out
“This is my towwwwwwwwwwn” in this country accent. Of course you had that goofy
grin of yours, being a smart ass! I sure do miss your goofiness; no one can
make me laugh the way you did. I
think it was because we both found each other to be the funniest people we
knew…. Haha! So what else made me think of you today? More so than usual…. OH!
We watched Forest Gump! As we were watching, all I could think about was your imitation
you used to do of Forest, yet again another one of your goofy impressions.
“Jennnnny!” “Forrrrest!” writing them down does not do your impressions
justice, but I can hear them perfectly in my head. You crack me up even from
the urn! Hahaha I know you are laughing at that comment.
You know what else I did today? I don’t know why I do this
to myself, but I felt like I needed to. I called Blair’s voicemail and listened
to all the voicemails she has saved from you. I needed to hear your voice. Dad,
it crushed me. I could only make it through two of them. The first one was
probably about 2 weeks prior to you leaving us. You called Blair to tell her
how beautiful she looked and that she always looks so beautiful. I loved
getting voicemails from you, they were always either really sweet or really
funny! I would give my arm if there was anyway I could retrieve all of the
voicemails you left me over the years. You and mom always make sure we know how
much we are loved. Thank you (for the millionth time) for being such amazing
parents, we were beyond doubt lucky to have you two as parents. I will forever be in debt to you both,
you guys are the reason Blair and I are the people we are today.
Blair has been in Ohio for the past few days. Justin lost
his grandfather and she flew up to be with him for the viewing and the funeral.
He is very upset about it, which absolutely breaks my heart. Justin is such a
good kid, so thinking about him being upset makes my heart hurt. Be sure to
show Justin’s grandfather a good time up there!
I looked at the clouds the whole way home today; I guess I
was hoping you would paint me a message or something. Blair saw the message you
painted in the sky for her when she finished her hike in Great Falls. Do you
remember what you drew for her, a fish in the clouds. Kudos to you, she sent me
a picture, your artwork is even amazing when you are up there! So hurry up, I
want you to draw me something in the clouds! Just don’t do anything that would
scare me, you know I scare and get creeped out very easily! Alright dad, I am
out of here! Love and miss you! –Ash
Wow, that was fun go back and reread one of my notes to you
from over a year ago! I think I will have to do this more often. Alright Daddy,
time for me to hit the gym. Love you and will be thinking of you, miss you! Ending
on a happy note, “Sweet Child of Mine” came on my Itunes playlist. You used to
tell me this song came out around the time I was born (I am not sure if that is
true, I have never wanted to look it up, in fear that I may have been lied to
my whole life! HAHA) I always rock out when I hear this song. Whoooooa Oh Oh Oh
Sweet Child of Mineeeee!
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