I know that is your way of saying hello

Hey there daddy! I am working out on the elliptical at the gym and typing to you via IPhone! I wish I was capable of not doing 5 different things at once, but as you well know, I only can function if I am multi tasking! I'm blasting another one of your favorite songs, Pride & Joy by Mr. Stevie Ray Vaughan. Love it! I often times close my eyes while running and listening to a song of yours. I always picture the same thing. You and I taking a drive in the BMW, top down, blasting our music while cruising down the GW parkway. I would be playing dashboard drums or my infamous air guitar and you would be singing backup for whomever we were listening to. I liked when you sang to Bush, you ALMOST sounded like Gavin Rossdale, almost...haha! Ok so I just thought of the time when you, Blair and I drove to Maryland to get some garden flowers to surprise Mom with...I was super excited because my old friend got me a signed album by Ballyhoo.... I made you listen to the entire album, too and from the place. Not only was that probably painful enough for you, I proceeded to song every single word on the entire Album, while playing dashboard drums. Hahaha you were such a trooper that day:) I have to hop off this machine, but I will finish up later this evening! Love you xoxo

Hey there! I am back, I just bought a table and two chairs for my deck, tomorrow I plan to fill my pots with bright and colorful flowers, it is supposed to be a great day, I am looking forward to working from home, sitting out on the deck with an ice tea and just enjoying the sunshine. I found this poem and I thought it was very fitting, I know you would feel this way…. I am not sure who it is buy and I modified it a bit, I made it a better fit for you.

             Do not stand at my urn and weep

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on the snow

I am the sunlight on beautiful flowers

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in a circled flight

I am the stars that shine in the dark of night.

So do not stand at my urn and cry,

I am not there, I did not die.

I love this poem, it made me smile. There are so many instances that I feel like you are right there with me. Everytime a butterfly flutters by, I always say, “hey dad!” Anytime there is a cool breeze that randomly blows by on a hot & humid day, I know that is your way of saying hello. Anytime the clouds move into shapes in the sky, I hope that you are writing a message to me. Things like that big daddy! I know it is you. Two years has been way too long dad, I wish there was someway you could come back. I miss everything about you. Thinking of you and hoping that you are doing something amazing. I love you, ASH

Where has the time gone?
BTW could your pants be any higher?! HA

You look so cute in this one!!

The Measure of a Man

 

 

THE MEASURE OF A MAN Author: Anonymous

Not - How did he die? But - How did he live?
Not - What did he gain? But - What did he give?

... These are the things that measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

Not - What was his station? But - had he a heart?
And - How did he play his given part?

Was he ever ready with a word of good cheer?
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not - What was his church? Not - What was his creed?
But - Had he befriended those really in need?

Not - What did the sketch in the newspaper say?
But - How many were sorry when he passed away?

These are the things that measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

 

 

Ash to ash, dust to dust, fade to black, the memory remains

Here is the song I named your blog from, I know how much you love this song!

http://youtu.be/RDN4awrpPQQ

She's got eyes of the bluest skies.

It sure is amazing how fast time flies. I cannot believe that two years ago today you were still here. I know that you left us on the 30^th, however the Sunday prior will always be engraved in my mind as the day I lost my dad, my best friend. I don’t know if it was coincidence, but last night I couldn’t sleep and I have been up for the last couple of hours awaiting the suns arrival, today is going to be hot, but beautifully sunny. I plan on going to the gym for spin class in about an hour and then I plan on going to home depot and getting some flowers and possibly a table and chair’s for the deck. I am going to try sitting outside more often, the weather is getting really nice and I want to enjoy it, just as I know you are! I looked at your slideshow that I made for you this morning, looking at the pictures made me smile and tear up at the same time. I don’t know why but I keep thinking that this just is not real. There is something about your smile, that goofy grin in the pictures, which makes me think that you are coming back or that you are just playing a game with us. It is really frustrating because I know that is not the case, as much as I wish it were. I know you are in a better place though, free of pain, livin’ it up CHRIS JOHNSON STYLE! Hey if you are around today, can you give me some assistance with my deck!? You know I need all the help I can get!

I decided to pull out the books I wrote in for you, I just got to laughing at some of the stuff I wrote to you. We have some of the funniest memories and I am so glad we share the same humor, even though I probably thought I was funny way more than I actually I was, you just always did the right thing and laughed along with me…or at me…hmm…haha. I stumbled across this note I wrote to you on September 25, 2010, I will type it up for you….

Sept. 25, 2010

PAPA J! Whattup?! I felt like bedazzling your book today with plenty of color and sparkle! Hope you are enjoying your weekend. I have thought a lot about you today, I mean I think about you all day, every day, however today there was a lot of things that I saw and did that reminded me of you. Kel and I woke up and drove down to Fredericksburg to drop his car off at the dealership and we spent the day down there. We went to Sports Authority to look at golf clubs, Kel wanted to buy me some so that him and I could start playing together (don’t laugh too hard at the vision of me swinging a golf club…) Did you know that mom let Kelly have your clubs? He likes them a lot and I love having them around. He has them hung up in the garage and every time I walk out and see them it puts a smile on my face. You and Kelly are so much alike it is sometimes astonishing to me. We listened to “My Town” in the car today, you know your favorite song (sarcasm!) I told Kel how much you made fun of it whenever I would listen to it in the car. You would always scream out “This is my towwwwwwwwwwn” in this country accent. Of course you had that goofy grin of yours, being a smart ass! I sure do miss your goofiness; no one can make me laugh the way you did.  I think it was because we both found each other to be the funniest people we knew…. Haha! So what else made me think of you today? More so than usual…. OH! We watched Forest Gump! As we were watching, all I could think about was your imitation you used to do of Forest, yet again another one of your goofy impressions. “Jennnnny!” “Forrrrest!” writing them down does not do your impressions justice, but I can hear them perfectly in my head. You crack me up even from the urn! Hahaha I know you are laughing at that comment.

You know what else I did today? I don’t know why I do this to myself, but I felt like I needed to. I called Blair’s voicemail and listened to all the voicemails she has saved from you. I needed to hear your voice. Dad, it crushed me. I could only make it through two of them. The first one was probably about 2 weeks prior to you leaving us. You called Blair to tell her how beautiful she looked and that she always looks so beautiful. I loved getting voicemails from you, they were always either really sweet or really funny! I would give my arm if there was anyway I could retrieve all of the voicemails you left me over the years. You and mom always make sure we know how much we are loved. Thank you (for the millionth time) for being such amazing parents, we were beyond doubt lucky to have you two as parents.  I will forever be in debt to you both, you guys are the reason Blair and I are the people we are today.

Blair has been in Ohio for the past few days. Justin lost his grandfather and she flew up to be with him for the viewing and the funeral. He is very upset about it, which absolutely breaks my heart. Justin is such a good kid, so thinking about him being upset makes my heart hurt. Be sure to show Justin’s grandfather a good time up there!

I looked at the clouds the whole way home today; I guess I was hoping you would paint me a message or something. Blair saw the message you painted in the sky for her when she finished her hike in Great Falls. Do you remember what you drew for her, a fish in the clouds. Kudos to you, she sent me a picture, your artwork is even amazing when you are up there! So hurry up, I want you to draw me something in the clouds! Just don’t do anything that would scare me, you know I scare and get creeped out very easily! Alright dad, I am out of here! Love and miss you! –Ash

Wow, that was fun go back and reread one of my notes to you from over a year ago! I think I will have to do this more often. Alright Daddy, time for me to hit the gym. Love you and will be thinking of you, miss you! Ending on a happy note, “Sweet Child of Mine” came on my Itunes playlist. You used to tell me this song came out around the time I was born (I am not sure if that is true, I have never wanted to look it up, in fear that I may have been lied to my whole life! HAHA) I always rock out when I hear this song. Whoooooa Oh Oh Oh Sweet Child of Mineeeee!

I just want to scream "hello", it's been way too long

Hey there Daddy, happy Memorial Day weekend. I wish you were here to make one of your amazing pork shoulders and your legendary coleslaw! We have tried to imitate both, many times, nevertheless nothing we do can compare. So how about you whisper how to make it this weekend when we are attempting to do so!

I am sitting at my house; listening to the rain and watching the pups fight over their squeaky snake. I have Metallica playing on my laptop to break the silence that lingers in the house. I love having my own place; however, with Kel not here it can get a little lonely. I just found out that he was placed in the “zone” for promotion to Staff Sgt. It is hard to explain the Marine Corps way of promoting and I am not 100% sure how to explain it, so I won’t try, haha.  I am so proud of him; he makes me so happy, even when he is 11,000 miles away. But enough of that, he will be home before I know it, at least that is what I keep telling myself.

Let’s see what else is going on…I went to spin tonight and am really happy I love it. It is such a great workout and it is helping me get ready for your ride next weekend. I usually ride 21-24 miles each time I go and I have been going anywhere from 4-5 times a week since February. I have not been in this good of shape since I being on a soccer team. You would be impressed with all my muscle! Haha. I have been thinking about the soccer days a lot lately and I really miss playing on Sting. Those were some of the best years, weren’t they? You know who is getting married from the team? Lauren (GAL) I saw it on facebook a while ago, I think she is one of the first girls from the team to tie the knot!

Gosh, I love Metallica. Everytime I listen to it, I feel close to you in some way. I have my “Daddy J” mix playing on Itunes. You know exactly what is on the playlist because I made it into three CD’s for you! I think the favorite songs on the playlist are;
The Memory Remains, Metallica
 Fuel, Metallica
Nothing Else Matters, Metallica
 Enter Sandman, Metallica
Daughter, Pearl Jam
Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town, Pearl Jam
The Joker, Steve Miller Band
1979, The Smashing Pumpkins
The Kids Aren’t Alright, The Offspring
Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix
Sweet Child O’ Mine, Guns N’ Roses
Hemorrhage, Fuel
Learn to Fly, Foo Fighters
Times Like These, Foo Fighters
My Hero, Foo Fighters
One, Creed
My Own Prison, Creed
Comedown, Bush
Swallowed, Bush
Dream On, Aerosmith

These are the songs I am feelin’ tonight. Well, it is about time for dinner! Its 8:30, I better get to it!

I love and miss you and the last song I will leave you with is, “I Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd. Miss you so much, dad. Thought I would also end with some pictures..

Love this picture! Such a good looking man!

All smiles, where did the time go?!

Best friends!

Always goofin! 

My 21st birthday cookout, you made it so special by
cooking for everyone and gettin the beer! 

Comedown

Hey there. How are you this fine May afternoon? Can you believe that it is May AGAIN?  I have been trying to sit down and write to you about my Monday experience. A couple days later and here I am. Guess what I had the opportunity to do, ummmm it involved Gavin Rossdale! I took Schultz with me, but I wish I was able to bring you...Remember how we used to rock out to Bush?! I had the amazing opportunity to work with Livenation and Nickelback on Monday. They are currently on their “Here and Now Tour” and I helped them put together their VIP stuff for the event at the Verizon Center.  What an experience. I am so glad that I took Alli up on the opportunity. We started the day putting together VIP Merch bags for the VIP ticketholders (we got a bag of course!) then we checked the VIP ticketholders into the venue. Not to mention, we got to eat lunch and dinner with the bands and crew members, a ton of tattooed rock stars (my favorite!) I had no idea what it took to put on a concert, especially one of this magnitude. I think I need a career change; I was so fascinated by the logistics that are behind putting together events and we were non-stop busy until showtime and you know how I go nuts if I don't have a million things on my plate, so this would be a perfect job! Anyway, we were behind the scenes for this huge show, got fed like royalty/ate with rockstars, got the best seats in the house, and on top of all that got paid for a day’s worth of work. Can you say amazing? There were four bands there, the only ones I really wanted to see were Bush and Nickelback and I got to see their full sets, LOVED IT. I am not a huge Nickleback fan, but I will say that they put on a badass show. Bush of course performed perfectly. I love Gavin Rossdale. He is so nice and can still rock out for being 46! You would have loved to see him. He did the song Glycerine that you and I always used to jam to on the way to soccer practice, it brought tears to my eyes, but they were good tears. I know you were there jammin right with me. I miss you! Love you!